our weekend

You would not believe my weekend.

When we finally got our children back from Jill, Bella vomited at Training table. Complete story here. Thinking the worst was behind us Megan vomitted that night twice. Which means I was up with her and not sleeping. Yet again thinking the worst was behind us on Sunday while playing hide and seek with Lolo and the girls we noticed a huge wet spot around the utility room. Doing our best to clean it up Adam ran to get a fan from our old house and rented a vaccum to suck up as much water as possible. Again for the 4th time thinking what else could happen to us this weekend after adam took a shower he went to check on our basement and realized it was flooded again. After using the wet vac we realized it was coming from the drain. Turns out our sanitary sewer was backed up. I couldn't believe it. Luckily we were able to get a plumber here ASAP to fix the problem. Still I had brand new carpet that was ruined and wet. I found out that it is a big deal and one the can cause major problems with bacteria growing and such if not taking care of. So all day I have been looking for someone to help us. I finally found a guy who would come in replace the pad and disinfect the area, then once completely dry clean the carpet.

Is someone trying my patience here. I hope I past because despite all that went down I am fine. NO freak outs. No why me. Just delt with the problem. I really hope it is all behind us now. Most likely not. Like Lori said, "home ownership is a bitch." No Doubt!

in the weeds!

An expression used in restraunts when a server is over their head. When they can't keep up and they don't know who needs what...etc. I am feeling a bit of that today. It is hitting me how much needs to get done before tomorrow comes. I am trying to not think about it much or else I will shut down and do nothing. I am feeling overwelmed. At least it all has a purpose and the end result is deperately needed.

The house is a mess and needs to be cleaned up. I was able to get the kitchen wiped down, but then adam and I made a huge mess hanging the microwave. Now don't get jealous Jill, this is a vaccum lovers dream, I have the pleasure of vaccuming the new carpet floors for the first time. Who wouldn't die to do that? HA! Not my favorite of jobs, but it is a quick way of helping a room look finished. Actually it is mainly a whole lot of vaccuming and mopping up. Dust is everywhere and lets just face it contractors could care less about your stuff. So I am excited to get the floors looking new again. Bathrooms. Need to finish closets for the girls. Moving fragile items ourselves. etc. I haven't even scratched the surface of the stuff that needs happen, but I am not complaining. I am excited to get in and get it done so I can move and get my life on track. I have been waiting for six months and i am sooooo ready.

Thanks mom for helping me with the kids. I couldn't do it without your help.

Have a great day. Wish me luck.

Valentines

I always look forward to the day…mainly because I am a sucker for romance. This year was different. Due to what is going on at our house (move) the only reason I remembered Valentine’s was because the girls took them to school. We had made valentines to send out, but alas they are still here. Just one of those things that usually happens. I always have the best intentions but my follow thourgh isn't the best.

I woke up this morning knowing what was in store and not really caring. Not that I didn’t care about what this holiday represents, but I felt I understood what we are up against this week and know a gift or no gift does not define our relationship. Luckily Adam and I were able to get together for lunch and that was all I needed…some time together. Acutally I saw him later in the day and we installed the microwave. GOOD TIMES!

bella's recital

My sweet Bella had a violin recital tonight playing the 17 songs from book one for all her family. It was something she had agreed to do, but not at all excited about. In fact eariler in the day after we had practiced she said, "mom, I just need some time to myself". I could tell she was struggling. Honestly I wasn't sure if she would actually go through with it. The last time she had agreed to play for someone she looked at me and said "mom my violin won't play". I kept telling myself with her teacher there she would be fine and be able to play like she does when she's practicing. I am happy to report Bella was fabulous. She did such a great job and I am so proud of her for doing it. I know it wasn't easy, but she went out and did the uncomfortable thing and learned something from the experience. Well done Bella.

As I sat there watching her all I could think about was this past year. Her violin experience has really been a journey for the both of us. It is a lot of work, but she is definitely committed. I am committed. I am so grateful we can share this together.

Thanks to all our family who came out to support her. She even commented about how everyone was there just for her. Thank you for making her feel so special.

photo by Jill

"we're partners, right?"

His famous last words or I guess I should say first words. It was the first thing he said to me this morning when we met each other at fort union to orgainze boxes etc. I didn't think much of it but he now needs a new line. I will be highly suspicious of this again. After feeling me out and realizing my mood he drop the bomb shell. I was mad. I was really mad. Surprisingly i was level headed and just wanted answers. Just wanted someone to admit wrong doing. After assessing the damage we realized we really needed to wait a few days to move and once we had decided that the carpet installer informed us he would not be done and would have to finish Monday. Well that just sealed our fate. It would be later in the week for sure. We threw up our hands called off our cleaning party, which was desperately needed, and went to lunch.

It seems like problems like this have come up constantly through this whole experience. Is this just our luck or what? Just another mark in my book for never doing this again. I am grateful for what we have created and how much it will benefit us, but I am so glad it is almost over.

All and all it was a wasted day or it wasn't. I believe Adam and I triumph. We really were partners today. We stood together and fixed the problem instead of dwelling, something I am all too good at doing. Can't believe with all this mess I am happy.

since when...

did going to the doctors equal a relaxing experience? I never would have guessed, but there I was in the waiting room around a lot of pregnant woman loving that I wasn't pregnant, sitting in a comfy chair reading in peace. I sat there for about 1 hour and 20 minutes because they were running so late. I didn't even mind. By the time I was called back I had no idea how much time had past...usually i'm counting the minutes.

Not to go into details, but the whole thing is very minor for me. I mean after 3 kids I just don't care anymore. Plus in a strange way I like to know all is well and that I am healthy (I believe I could endure a lot to have that reassurance). Anyway, I think the hardest part was the doctor telling me, while doing the boob exam, how sad it is woman have to loose breast tissue after they nurse. Ya, it sucks/sucked. I don't know I appreciated it at that moment. He was trying to be sympathetic, but I felt really angry that's a side effect. It beats the last time when he, while doing the boob exam, said "is there any changes, refferring to my boobs, other than loss of breast tissue?" Like a knife. Ya no changes. Dude that is the biggest change of them all. Very frustrating. So I have come to this conclusion, either be quiet and live with them or do something about it. Haven't figured that one out yet.

I in know way want to go back for another year, but i feels good knowing that all is well.

love and logic

On tuesday morning I went to a play/parenting group that the RS started. It is a chance to get together with mothers in the ward, let the kids play, and talk about the book "parenting with love and logic". I have heard of this style of parenting from lots of friends who love it and after today's gathering I decided I must give it a try. I have needed something for a long time as I feel I am not naturally a good mother and don't really know what to do or how do get my children to do what I want (is that even possible?). Anyway I went out that day to BN, bought the book and started reading. I couldn't put it down. "Basically, this book is about how to create a positive learning environment for our children, by giving them control of non-essential choices designed to be the desired outcome regardless of which choice they choose. It also provides some great insight into how to create a trusting and positive environment while teaching some positive habits."Thank you Michael Erisman for that comment on amazon. It is full of a lot of great info. I must admit though, like always I find myself getting discouraged. I just am uncertain how I can come up with the right questions at the appropriate times (must read book). But I am happy to report a few of the senerios have already worked. Tess ate her dinner last night...all of it. I think the hard part will be to keep it going...applying the principles. Allowing my child to make a choice then me living with what they decide. I know I have not done this book justice. There is so much information it is hard for me to sum it up in a few words, which is why I used Michael's. If you are looking for some help. Some parenting advice. I recommend this.

So far so good. Til next time.

my space

I am dying to get to my stuff. Every time I turn around there is something I need on my computer or a project I want to work on i.e. Jill's challenge. I just want to be in my own space, my own house with my own things. Funny my kids are dying for that as well. Tess asked me everyday when we are going to sleep at the new house. Soon! I am really looking forward to Monday. We plan to make Valentines day the first day we spend the night.

Here's to big things next week.

new hair cut

I got my hair cut yesterday. I have beeing thinking about it for awhile now, but just decided it was time. I found a photo I liked and went for it. Ok I suppose It wasn't all that daring considering it's just shorter. (Much shorter...to my shoulders.) I cut 3 inches off. I really like it. It was the first time in ages that I have left the salon liking my hair and the style. Thanks Lori for hooking me up. I liked Emily a lot and will be going back. I wish I could share a photo.

Photo courtesy of the fabulous Jill Stuart

choices

I have felt sort of in a funk today. Not really bad enough to throw me for a loop, but just enough that my mind is constantly aware. It all started with a dream(this is not about death), and here I am still thinking and still trying to bring myself back to reality. I was really grateful I had some time today to myself even if it was more packing. I had music playing very loudly and at random times I would write things on the wall. Things that came to mind. Things that spoke to me. I really enjoyed being able to do that. It felt like my canvas and I was really in a mood to create. (I hope to post some photo when I am able to upload from my camera.)

My lesson on sunday to the 4 yr olds what about choices. We all have the right to decide which direction to go and what to do and how to dream. I have been thinking about my choices and how it has brought me to this place. This very great place I still find I am trying to wrap myself around....understand. I ended up in a place I never thought I would be. Not a bad place, just different than what I always intended. Envisioned. What to do with the choices I have made and how to let go of the ones I didn't? I have many questions of whys and what ifs but I know they don't mean anything and it is hurting me from developing the here and now. Here I am letting it go and giving myself to what I know and what I need and what I want. Life. Happiness. Excitement. Romance. Joy. Love. It's all possible to find no matter which choices you make. I have no doubt of that. I am no longer going to wait around believing I am entitiled to these things. Or waiting for someone else to make it happen. Its my life. My choices brought me to this point and I intend to make it everything I always dreamed.

Its done!

It is so weird to enter my studio and see emptiness. Really glad its done. I was so fearful of this room until Amber took charge and showed me the way to the finish line. Man I love that girl. Check out all the boxes I filled from that one room (they are not all there either). It is a ton of stuff, not as big a stash as some, but I love it. I hope to find new treasures when I unpack everything.

When I am done with this post I am taking my computer apart and packing it up. I really hope to complete my house today. I suppose it all depends on the kids.

So I will leave you with one more layout I finished right before I started this packing craze. It is a two page layout, but I am waiting to put a quote on the other one so I will share as soon as I get it finished. Cool to think I will be in my new house then.

adios

thank you thank you

to my awesome friend Amber that helped me pack up. I don't even know how to thank her. She went above and beyond and I so apprciate her being willing to give me most of her day. We did the entire kitchen and most of my studio. She rocks. I can't believe she volunteered for this, but am so grateful she did.

looking up

So i saw my house today for the first time in about 2 weeks. It looks so awesome. I am so excited and it does make the moving process just a bit more doable because I can't wait to move in. I love the flow of the house and the space we created. So looking forward to getting in there and living.

In other news, my professional mover friend has volunteered to come help me. She thinks with enough boxes we can get the house done in one day. I am leery of that, but I know it will help me so much to have someone who does this a lot with tips and direction. So i may end up buying boxes if I can't find enough. You wouldn't believe how quickly boxes fill up.

Anyway, I pretty much got the basement done this afternoon except my studio which leaves me in awe everytime I leave. I have no idea how I am going to box all that stuff up. I may just move everything over myself. who knows. The only thing I am focusing on at the moment is how excited I am to move.

reality is overwhelming

after a conversation with adam last night we decided that we need to start moving some of our stuff over...ie kitchen cabinets, vanitys, fixtures, etc. Anyway, there is no way I want to live in a home with 3 kids and no kitchen so I am leaving. I am going to stay at my parent's house for a couple of weeks. We are planning on moving the the weekend of the 10th which is very soon so I need to get cracking on this house. Today I spend all morning looking for boxes which turned out to be a joke. No one has boxes. I did end up getting some from my mom and lori hooked me up with a bunch tonight when I saw her. Anyway, my point is we have so much stuff. I spent the afternoon boxing up some things and the 14 boxes I had are maxed out. Sadly, I cannot see a dent. I never realized how much stuff we have. When I considered the girls rooms I just got discourage. So much crap to move. I don't think this whole moving thing would be as discouraging if I at least had boxes. If you have any please send my way.

So besides the boxes the job does seem very daunting because I am doing it myself. Adam is working very hard to get the house ready so he will not be here during the packing stage. I do think he is going to take care of his stuff (closet, cloths). Thank you for that. So off to boxing my life away.

a few fruit from friday nights crop

a couple of the layouts I was able to finish tonight. The one of megan and I is a design from Jamie Waters. Really love her work. The one of Bella is not quite what I had envisioned. I think it is the cardstock color. I may or may not change it. For now I have decided to leave it. I hope to share more soon.

This past week

Man this was a stressful week. Each day waking up thinking things will be better...be back to normal and everyday it was the same as before. I feel that I did well handling it. Resigning myself to the fact that I would be with Megan 24/7 and there was nothing I could do about it. I did enjoy her snuggles, but pretty much nothing else. I felt guilty for not being with the other girls, but grateful for their cooperation. I must say Friday was really the only thing pulling my through. I had a fun time with my friends and although I didn't really finish anything I have a great foundation for several layouts and will post asap. I am happy to report that megan is feeling much better and so much more like herself. Good to have her back.

Lori moved out yesterday. It is weird to see her room empty. It was weird to watch her walk out last night. It was weird not knowing she is here with us. We miss you Lori. I'm going to miss our talks and just hanging out. Visit often.

finding good

I am beginning to forget what normal life is like. My normal routine. I am sitting here on my couch checking some sites listening to Journey to Joke-A-Lot for the thrid time this week (heaven help me it is so lame) while I hang with Megan who is enjoying a popsicle during the snow storm. Anything to keep the fluid in. Tess is taking a nap which is really going to screw me up tonight, but is totally worth it right now. I am just about to face the storm to pick bella up from school, which is not easy considering it is up hill. Thank goodness for 4 wheel drive.

So what do i find good in all of this? Well, even though my day/week has not been what I thought. It is quiet now and I am thankful for that.

I'm up and everyone's asleep

I've pretty much been up all night. Megan keeps getting up and after the 3rd time I couldn't get back to sleep. Wish I could say I have accomplished more with my time, but alas I have not.

I have been looking through my photos in order to prepare myself for Friday, as I have already explained. I apparently have not looked at my photos developed from film for a really long time. I have forgetten what I had and how cute they are. Like the photo of tess from her bday party (taken by Jill) and these adorable photos of meg.

I am really enjoying looking back. The girls have changed a ton this past year. It's really weird for me to think a year ago Megan wasn't talking or walking. Man how time flies. She's a crazy girl with a huge personality and I wouldn't have it any other way. If she could only start to feel better.

Now off to sleep.

thinking about friday

I am so looking forward to Friday. I actually usually am because of game night, however this friday will be different. I am going to a scrapbook store to scrapbook with my friends for 6 straight hours. I cannot wait. I have not done this in a long time and miss it. I enjoying working at home in my studio, I have everything I need, but I sure miss the days of getting together with friends talking, eating good snacks, getting ideas & opinions. So tonight after a really bad day, well mostly for Megan since she was throwing up, I am trying to put together some ideas and be prepared so I can actually get something done Friday. I work better prepared.

In other scrapbooking news Amy, my sister-in-law has started to scrapbook. Glad to have her on the team and hope to do some scrapbooking together. I was able to see her layouts last night before the big event, 24. I must say for her first pages she is really really good. My first pages are horrible. I try to keep it in persepective and remember when I started there were no embellishments and no good patterened paper or cardstock to pick from. Honestly that probably wouldn't have made a difference, but i like to think so. I actually do enjoy looking back and seeing my progress. I have come a long way and certainly enjoy my style that has emerged.

Ok so back to layout prep and vomit patrol. Poor Megan has been sick most of the day, well since 10am. Who gets sick at 10am. I kept thinking it was something she ate because she wanted to eat, and didn't act lethargic. I was wrong.

24

So i am very excited for the two hour premiere of 24. It's tonight on fox at 7pm in case any of you are interested. I have been waiting since last May to start season 5. I think that is one of the reasons why I didn't start watching another show because I just kept waiting for 24. I regret not getting into Grey's Anatomy, but hopefully i can rent the dvd this summer and get on track for fall 2006. Sadly i don't think the dvd will be avaliable, but here's to hoping. Anyway we are going over to my parents to watch together. Sort of a 24 party. I think I am equally excited I didn't have to worry about dinner. love that.

enjoy!


edited to add: for those of you who did not watch 24 last night you made a "huge mistake." It was the best season opener I have seen. Two hours again tonight. Looking forward to it.

alone

Two hours with myself today. Need I say more. Thanks mom for watching the kids. It is hard these days to get a break with Adam gone so much doing house stuff.

Before I go and enjoy my little break I thought I would share these photos I love of sweet Bella engrossed in a book. Love that she enjoys spending her time that way.

tagged

Been tagged by Jill.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. sales at Express
2. receptionist
3. event planner
4. mother

Four movies you would watch over and over:
I am not a big movie watcher so when I watch something it is usually something new.
1. Pride & Prejudice (A&E version)
2. Anne of Green Gables, it takes six hours to get to the best line and totally worth it.
3. Meet Joe Black, love the music, love brad, love the message


Four places you have lived:
1. Sandy, Utah
2. Provo, Utah
3. Jerusalem, Israel (6 months, must count it or my answers will all be UT)
4. Salt Lake City, Utah

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. The Office
2. Everyday Italian
3. 24 (starts on Sunday)


Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Maui, Hawaii
2. New York City, New York
3. West Palm Beach, Florida
4. Cancun, Mexico

Four Websites I visit daily:
1. Two Peas
2. Ali Edwards
3. Cathy Zielske
4. My fellow bloggers

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chocolate
2. Fresh Fruit
3. Pasta with a cheesy cream sauce (italian)
4. anything with avacados

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Moved into my new House
2. All day pass at a spa
3. A romantic get away with Adam


Four bloggers I'm tagging:
Sadly all the bloggers I know have been tagged.

so this is what happens...

when you husband goes out of town for the night, well assuming that you are feeling motivated and I was. Last night I put the kids to bed at 8:00 and went to work. I just kept going. I was enjoying myself immensely. I even got to bed at a decent time.


The photos from this layout are from Jill. She is awesome at taking pictures. In fact many of my favorites are from her camera. Thank you Jill for sharing your talent. I owe a lot of my pages to your fabulous photos. Check her photography here.

today ten years ago

It's so weird for me to think it was ten years ago i set out for the holy land. I actually left for Jerusalem on the 9th, but technically arrived there on the 10th in 1996. It wasn't a hard decision to go. What an awesome experience I would have, but when the time came it was difficult to leave my friends and loved ones.
My boyfriend at the time, aka husband now, made this book for me to read on my journey. I remember on the plane sitting next to a girl I didn't know, who would later become a great friend, with tears in my eyes reading the words he had written to me over the last few months. So priceless to me.

These are the journals I kept while I was gone. The one advice I had received from someone who had already gone was to write in a journal everyday. I did and it was the best thing I could have done. These books are full of my thoughts, emotions, and experiences that I can never get back, and could realistically never remember. It is a snap shot of who I was at twenty on my own experiencing the world. I plan to read my journal throughout the next 6 months, a day at a time. I hope to learn more about myself and how much I have changed from the young naive girl I once was.

new recipe

This evening I tried a new recipe, penne with spinach sauce, and it was a complete failure. It was from our (Bella & mine) favorite show on the food network "Everyday Italian". I must say it wasn't the fault of the recipe, but me. First of all I should have known, I hate goat cheese. I really wanted to give it another chance since I had a delicious goat cheese spread at a restaurant. Secondly, I should have stuck to the recipe and used spinach instead of arugula. I know these two ingredients are completely different, but I love arugula and thought it could be even better. I'm really glad it was just me at home trying this out. Perhaps next time it will be more of a success. I suppose I should choose something I think I may like more, but I wanted to be daring. I guess that is what this new recipe thing is all about.