this exact moment

there is nothing
more I ask of Life
than this moment, exactly so

& she looked at me & my heart danced
like a candle flame from her breath on my chest

& forever suddenly seemed
like too short a time

storypeople

rendezvous

It was like a scene right out of a movie -- I groggily walked toward the baggage claim after too many flights, ready to find my bed, and turned the corner and there he was. It stopped us both in our tracks, seeing each other there. We weren't expecting the other just then, even though we were suppose to meet -- it took us both by surprise.

Let me go back to the beginning.

I hadn't seen Adam for about ten days. He was traveling the week before, came home for two days and then left again.The day he was due back I was flying out to North Carolina and we missed each other by a few hours. I kept thinking it was fine because I'd see him Sunday before he had to leave again on Tuesday. Or so I thought.

During one of our phone conversations we discussed my flight home and the logistics of it all when we realized he was leaving Sunday afternoon for South Carolina and we'd miss each other once again. As bummed as I was I knew it was something we couldn't conrol. It was just the way our work had lined up this month. We both knew it would be crazy coming into October, we just didn't know how.

And then I got this lovely email with this crazy idea to meet him in South Carolina. I wasn't sure I could really pull it off -- I'd been gone all week and the girls were expecting me home. So I called them, my girls, to see what they thought and they urged me to go mainly because they got to spend a night at their friends and then Lolo was coming to stay. So I did it. I made it happen.


So there we were, after days/weeks of absence we found ourselves walking toward each other a little bewildered at how easy it had all been. We smiled and eagerly embraced standing there in Charleston, both of us with our travel bags.


Here are a few photos of our rendezvous (24 hours) in South Carolina.










I can't even begin to tell you how much fun it was to ride my bike through the seagulls. I couldn't help shoot pictures as I went. So worth getting mud all over my back.

a photograph

I know this seems like just a sunset, one like I've shared many times on my blog before, but when I look at it I see woman with similar passions, and yet still quite different. I see woman who started off as strangers and quickly became friends. I feel the overwhelming sense that I've been patiently waiting for them, that we were always meant to meet. I hear conversions that easily flowed from one subject to the next as if we have known each other a long time. I remember trespassing, or so we thought, to get a better view. I hear unabandoned laughter and recall publicly falling, on my bum, in an attempt to get the shot. I recall stocking up at the convenient shop with chocolate and other goodies, and eventually getting that steak we spoke about on the first day.


Sometimes that night is such a blur, it was only last week, and yet, it seems so far away, but then I see this photograph and it easily brings me back to those moments. And I realize, there is no need to mourn the loss of that evening, we will have it again. Hopefully sooner than later.

I miss you!

Memories -- what a gift.

12of12 | October | hybrid (canon+iphone)

01. Early morning walk with Adam. It's so hard to find the motivation to wake up early these days when it's so dark out.
02. Tess watching as her dad left for the airport.
03. Feeling, not quite myself, this morning.
04. Heading out to school.
05. I have a thing for spiderwebs.
06. My view looking east from the temple this morning. I was hopeful it would help change my mood.
07. Rainy rainy Friday
08. Tess pointed out this flower as we walked home from school. It was stunningly bright and colorful, in clear opposition to what was around us. Tender mercy.
09. It was a struggle all day not to sleep.
10. Meandered though Target today. Love when I get a chance to browse.
11. Our trees are quickly loosing their leaves. I had forgotten, until today, how many bags we filled last fall.
12. View from today's reading spot.

Today was hard. I think it was the rain that got me or I guess it could have been the grey skies. I mean, I can't think of anything else that would have thrown me off so much (which is strange because I do love the rain). I was tired, more tired than usual, emotionally spent, and struggled to want to pick up my camera. So grateful I had my phone with me -- i just couldn't bare carrying the extra weight around. So unlike me.

I suppose these days comes, and well, it's interesting to see what you make of it -- in photos that is.

I do hope your day was a lot better than mine. I'd love to see what you were up to.

thoughts from a late night movie

I cried myself to sleep last night after staying up far too late watching Meet Joe Black -- I love that movie. I'd like to blame it on the music, the soundtrack is so full of emotion it gets me every time, but the truth is, there are many moments in the film that touch on the frailty of this life that hit me deep down.

Like this one ---

"I thought I was going to sneak away tonight. What a glorious night. Every face I see is a memory. It may not be a perfectly perfect memory. Sometimes we had our ups and downs. But we're all together, and you're mine for a night. And I'm going to break precedent and tell you my one candle wish: that you would have a life as lucky as mine, where you can wake up one morning and say, 'I don't want anything more.' Sixty-five years. Don't they go by in a blink" -William Parrish | Meet Joe Black 1998

Tell me it's not just me. That's good stuff, no?

But in particular, it was one of the last scenes where William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) and Joe Black (Brad Pitt) are getting ready to leave this life for the last time that had me teary. Both of them looking out at the world longingly, realizing more than ever that life, with all it's heartache and misunderstanding, is beautiful. The most beautiful of them, and the thing we long for the most, the thing that will be hardest to walk away from, are the relationships we've created -- simply put, love. While I believe wholeheartedly that the next life is better than even what we have here, and we will continue on with those relationships, it is still bittersweet, I imagine, to leave behind the place where your experiences began, where your most important lessons were learned, and you were given the agency to make your life into whatever it is you wanted.

Even writing that makes me antsy. I so long to live with no regrets, enjoying all the pieces, the ups and down, or maybe I should more accurately say, appreciating the uncomfortable moments for what they have taught me and helped me to become.

And while my life is living proof that teaching moments never cease, I know I couldn't possibly get through this life without my friends, family, and loved ones. After all, we were never meant to walk our path alone. How grateful I am for those of you who have crossed my path and joined me along the way. What you have given me is truly a gift. It is a blessing to know what we create here, will carry with us to the next. 

xoxxo

wish i could take you there...

You know if I was a better writer I would be able to share Squam with you in a way that would make you feel like you were there with me. I suppose that's how I found photography in the first place because i needed a way to express what I couldn't say in words. Squam has always been that, an experience too close to me that words cannot do it justice.

I wish I could take you all there. We'd swim in the cool lake till we couldn't stand it any longer. We'd sit on the dock laughing and talking with other woman about anything and everything. We'd get lost walking along the paths on our way to class. We'd sit for a spell and listen to the birds, the crickets, the rustling of the leaves, and acorns descending to the ground. We'd clear our mind with yoga. We'd meet new woman who quickly felt like old friends. We'd sit by the fire eating chocolate and telling stories. We'd participate in silly, photo reenactment games. We'd feel free and open to whatever the week had in store for us.

Instead of sharing photos, in the traditional sense, I made a video/slideshow of my experience at Squam a couple weeks ago. One of my goals this year was to learn to make videos. Sigh. I have so much to learn, 1) being actually taking the videos. I'm still in photograph mode. Anyway, here is my first of, I hope, many creations.



squam love | fall 2012 from amy gretchen on Vimeo.

The days I've spent walking the woods surrounded with these woman have made such an impact on me. They have truly touched my life for good and how grateful I am our paths crossed. The strength I've come home with after each session is helping me get closer to the woman I'm striving to be. Thank you for being apart of my story.

But don't take my work for it, come! Come and see how SquamArtWorkshops can change you?

see more photos from squam here.

illusion

if you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. but it's more fun if you let go & just let the wind carry you.

~storypeople

 

Have a great weekend! xo

12of12 | September | iphone version

[click here to enlarge]

01. The farm house I spent the night in.
02. Slowly waking up at the farm with seven other beauties and the promise of an excellent day ahead.
03. More farm. I couldn't get enough of this place and want to steal away there for an entire summer. Love it!
04. Went out running with Thea and came across this killer barn.
05. This huge wooden table in the dinning room was full of drawings, writings, and names. I could have spent hours reading.
06. If these walls could talk. The farm was just as magical on the inside and it was on the outside and I couldn't help but wonder what it has witnessed over the years.
07. Went to the fabric/yarn store with Thea, Allison, and Cal to get fabric for a skirt I'd be making in Cal's class. You'd be impressed, I choose something in under 5 minutes. A record, I believe for me, when shopping for fabric.
08. I couldn't imagine a more perfect greeting than to be welcomed by my dear friends Tingle and Maya as I checked in at Squam Art Workshops.
09. A gathering of woman. Really we're keeping ourselves busy while waiting for the dining hall to open for dinner.
10. I'm a huge fan of all the different cameras I see with all these amazingly creative woman.
11. Walking through the woods -- it really is magical there.
12. Our first of many meals together. It's not just about food, it's about being together.

Posting this now makes me miss everyone that much more.  :)

Again, I'm sorry for my delay! There is just no way I could have made it work with my spotty wireless connection. I can be sitting right next to my modem and it has me on 3G. Can't figure it out. Hopefully my new phone, yep the iphone5 is ordered and soon to be on it's way, will fix the issue.

Anyway, it feels good to be back and reconnecting. I hope you all had an enjoyable day shooting.

xo g

coming soon

I'm sorry to have not stopped by my blog today to post my 12of12. I am deep in the woods where I'm constantly in and out of service. I will post my photos when I can -- unfortunately its probably going to be after I get home. :)

Till next time. xo
Good night!

trains, plane and automobiles

Just wanted to remind you all that tomorrow is the twelfth. Looks like this is going to be another iPhone addition for me since I'm on the road -- or tracks as the case maybe right now. I'm currently on a train heading to Albany to hook up with my lovely friend Thea and then on to New Hampshire by car.

I must say I'm quite enjoying my train ride. It's not the first time I've been on a train, but it certainly the most beautiful leg I've had. There is something magical about up state New York, wouldn't you agree? Definitely looks good from my window seat.

Well, so far all of New York has looked amazing and treated me very well. Actually it was my delightful friend Tory who made my trip exceptional or as she would say, special. I will greatly miss her energy and late night chats. I can't wait for her to come west and hit the slopes with me.

Before I sign off just wanted to share a few instagrams from the past few days.

Have a fabulous day!

City lights

Can't help, but fall in love with this city -- especially at night in the rain.

randoms from the airport

I'm sitting at the airport this morning getting ready to board my flight. I'm heading to New York first for a few days before I head to New Hampshire for Squam. It's hard for me to believe it's already that time again. I am looking forward to another great class and the connections I'll make that only happen deep in the woods.

But first New York. Back in the day when I was making my flight arrangements I didn't realize I would be in the city during 9/11. I have to say there is a layer of trepidation, but i am grateful for the coincidence. Can't imagine visiting the big apple any other time.

After enjoying breakfast this morning we had a fun lighthearted ride to the airport. I wasn't quite expecting the reactions I received, though I can't imagine why I didn't, they were so true to them. Bella gave me a big hug, told me to have fun and not to worry, they would be ok. Tess barely gave me a hug claiming 8 days is not long enough to miss. I disagree, even Adam misses after 3 days. Megan, poor meg, cried and cried. Makes it so much harder to walk away when there's tears. Sure do miss them!

How come you're always famished and in need of a bathroom when you fly?? Maybe it's just me, but the complimentary peanuts are a must.

The colors are already beginning to cover our mountains -- they were so beautiful as we flew over them. I've never seen them change so early and I'm thinking it must be a result of the crazy dry summer we had. I hope it doesn't peak when I'm gone -- it's one of my favorite parts of the year.

Fast forward.

Funny how it takes an entire day to post since I'm in and out of service constantly. Right now I'm sitting on the plane for who knows how long waiting to take off. Apparently the big storm in NY is causing problems. Bleh! They keep pushing back the time and I'm wondering now if I won't be spending the night in the airport??

Anyway I better sign off. I had hoped to add some photos, but my phone is quickly dying.

Till next time :) Hope your having a great weekend!

everyone is

the fulfilled life is a consequence, a gratifying byproduct. It’s what happens when you’re thinking about more important things. Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you. Go to Paris to be in Paris, not to cross it off your list and congratulate yourself for being worldly. Exercise free will and creative, independent thought not for the satisfactions they will bring you, but for the good they will do others, the rest of the 6.8 billion—and those who will follow them. And then you too will discover the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself. The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you’re not special.

Because everyone is.

-David McCullough (Wellesley Commencement)

hello again

For the past couple of weeks I have felt a pull back to my blog. I can't be sure why I took such a long break. What I thought would only be days turned into weeks and months, but it's apparently what I needed. I have always tried to be true to myself and never force the words when I'm just not feeling it.

With school officially starting Monday the tides are turning around here and we are all mentally preparing for another school year ahead. While I have loved this summer together, I can't believe it's already coming to an end, I am ready, and I believe the girls are too, to get back into a schedule and regular routine. Since I was a school aged girl September has always felt like January, the beginning of a new year, making goals and reevaluating. This September has been no different.

In fact, getting offline this summer has given me a lot of time to think and reflect. I have felt for sometime that I'm at a bit of a crossroads and I haven't been entirely sure which direction to go. I continue to use my camera, but even my photography wants/needs to evolve. Upon reflection I feel I've been too stagnant for far too long and I need to step it up. I have missed, desperately, being creative and it's time now to stop missing and starting moving.

Bringing my blog back to life feels like the first step. This past week I have felt my juices flowing and my eagerness to leave the lazy summer days behind and get back to work.

Hello friends! It's good to be back :)

12of12 | August

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01. Just waking up.
02. Making my rounds waking up the girls and came across this printout on Bella's night stand. I think there is too much One Direction in my life right now.
03. We attempted yet again to create a gorgeous huge hanging flower arrangement, but to no avail. For the third year in a row the flowers didn't multiply. I told Adam next year we just need to buy them all grown.
04. Took photos of the Primary children at church today. Luckily they were patient as I did them one at a time.
05. The fruit is almost ready to be picked.
06. Waiting for Bella and Megan to open the door for me this afternoon -- it was locked. They teased me for a bit, making me wait longer, knowing I would take their photo. They are becoming more and more aware of the twelfth every month.
07. A little girl at church asked to take my photo after I had taken hers and without relinquishing my camera completely, she was 4 after all, she took this. I quite like the way it highlighted love.
08. Cookie dough -- a must on Sundays.
09. Pet Shops. All lined up and ready for play.
10. Minutes before lunch/dinner.
11. Tickle fight.
12. Met up with our friends to put the finishing touches on our Jackson Hole trip. We leave Wednesday. I'm excited for one more get away.

Although I didn't get to take my much enjoyed Sunday nap, the day was full of all kinds of goodness. Wish I was able to capture them all on film. For instance, there was a moment today I would like to remember, but didn't document -- Bella speaking in church for the first time. If I wouldn't have been looking at her I would have guessed she was a 20 year old. So confident with such a great message. She amazes me daily.

I hope you all had a great day. Share away :)

12of12 reminder

Hello friends! Lately my blog has not been calling to me so I apologize for my absence. I'm hoping when the busyness of the summer is over and I'm on more of a schedule my blog will not be so neglected. I have missed.

I am, however, still playing along with the 12of12 so I am here reminding you that tomorrow is the 12th. I hope you have a fabulous Sunday and look forward to seeing you back here to share. :)

12of12 | July

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01. Megan had the hardest time getting up this morning. Even though it's summer we still have violin at 6:45am. Bummer.
02. Found these flowers on the way into violin. The one perk about being up early in the summer -- you get to watch the sunrise.
03. Bella has been joining me in the front passenger seat lately. I've quite enjoyed her company next to me.
04. We went to boondocks today and Tess and I couldn't stop laughing on the race track. We had the slowest car and kept getting passed up by everyone. She can't wait until she's tall enough to ride the big cars herself.
05. It was such a riot on the bumper boats. How come it is so much fun to attack your family with water?
06. We all got seriously soaked on the bumper boats, but it was nice for once to not feel so blasted hot.
07. Spent some time in the batting cages. I have to say I did fairly well for a girl who hasn't picked up a bat in 20+ years.
08. Laser tag continues to be one of the funnest games we play together as a family. So much smack is happening at the beginning of the game about who will dominate. You won't hear if from me though. I don't know what it is, but I'm horrible at this game. Even my girls beat my highest score. Pathetic!
09. Taylor, my 15 year old niece who has a drivers permit, is a ruthless driver. Should I be afraid of her on the road? She saw an opening and edged Amy and Estee out of our way. Can't say it wasn't fun.
10. Sweet little Lewis. He was along for the ride today and was, for the most part, happy about it. Have really enjoyed the extra time with him. What a delightful boy.
11. Megan counting up her tickets -- she ended up with 456. I thought it was a ton for her, but she was quickly disappointed when she realized the big bear she wanted was 5000 tickets. Keep in mind the big bear can be found at Costco for close to $20. Looks like I know what to get for Christmas.
12. My dad and sister Jeni being, well, being them. I adore these two. So wish she lived close. I had it when our time is over.

What a fabulous day! When my sister suggested we go to boondocks Thursday I didn't realize it was the twelfth. In fact, I'm actually not a fan of having a big activity on the twelfth. I prefer to capture daily life, but then again, I suppose that's what we were doing. The best of times!

Hope you all had a great day!

Technical difficulties

I'm having issues with my Internet and am relying on my phone right now to let you know. Unfortunately I don't have a way to get my photo collage posted without the Internet so I'll get it posted as soon as I can figure it out. Hopefully as sooner than later! I hate when technology fails us.

pause + reminder

This little girl felt under the weather yesterday which gave us all reason to take pause. This summer has been so busy I don't think I've had one week at home yet so I welcomed the change.

I'm not complaining though, it's been a fabulous summer. One of these days when I get my act together I'll let you know what we've been up to.

For now, I want to remind you all that tomorrow is the twelfth. Looking forward to seeing how many of you are playing along out of town.

Enjoy documenting your day!

canyonlands

The campsite Devils Kitchen in Canyonlands National Park lived up to it's name. Not only was it treacherous to get to, it was a balmy 102 degrees. I admit, when we first started off on this adventure I wasn't sure we were going to make it out alive, let alone with our Land Rover intact. I'm happy to report, we did both and it was a fabulous jeeping/camping trip in Southern Utah. The campsite was absolutely breathtaking and the hike to slot canyon, a lot of fun. I was happy I made it all the way through the slot -- quite the challenge and not to be attempted by anyone who's claustrophobic.

Moab is like no where else on earth. I look forward to going back.











































Go here to see more photos. :)