more layouts from CZ design class

a 8x8 mini book

Wasn't it 80 degrees last week?

This was yesterday. Lightly falling snow, but nothing sticking.



However, this morning when I woke up I was greeted by a blanket of snow. The girls were so excited to wake up to their world covered in white and couldn't wait to go out and play, but I thought differently.









I'm sure by mid week the snow will all be gone and Fall will be enjoyed yet again, but it has reminded me of how NOT ready I am for winter. I'm not ready for cold.

I found her like this

collapsed on the floor in tears all because of school picture day.

And so it begins.

i...

i am.... blessed
i think... your thoughts create your world
i know... i am loved
i want... my family to be happy
i have... everything i've always wanted
i dislike... feeling misunderstood
i miss... my entire family (all 6 of us) being together
i fear... i'll never get where I want to be
i feel... grateful
i hear.... the wind rustling through the leaves
i smell... freshly baked mint brownies
i crave.... deep meaningful friendships
i cry... when I see/hear/read someone's inspiring story of strength and courage
i usually... forget at least one thing when i leave the house
i enjoy... taking a shower at night and getting cozy in bed after a long day
i search... for balance in my life
i wonder.... what more i can do
i regret... the time i've wasted on things i have no control over
i love... the marriage Adam and i have created
i worry... what the future will hold for my children
i am not... as selfless as i want to be
i remember... what matters
i believe... in Jesus Christ
i dance... all the time
i don't... write as well as i'd like to
i write... so my children will know who i am
i win... as much as i lose
i lose... my chapstick within a day of buying a new one
i am trying... to always stay positive
i never... want to eat strange foods like Andrew Zimmerman
i wish... i didn't have to teach my children about protecting themselves against bad people
i listen... to books on my ipod when i clean
i don't understand... why my house can't stay clean for more than 12 hours
i can usually be found... in the car going from school to preschool and back again
i am scared... for the outcome of this election
i need to lose... my fear
i forget... to water our plants
i am happy... i am me

a special happy birthday to my sister Jeni. Love you.

spt - 100 list

7. I enjoy when I get up and going in the morning, but I'm not really good at it these days.



The best part about looking back at #7 is it's something that I've been working on for the past two months. Every since school started (excluding weekends) I can only count a few days where I haven't gotten up early (6am) and started my day off with exercise, scripture reading, showering, or doing something else just for me before the girls wake up. My days just always go better when it's starts off right. I guess you could say I end up getting a lot more accomplished throughout the day by the way my morning starts.

So thank you Lelly for the challenge. It was fun to go back to my 100 list and even better to see that I'm currently working on and accomplishing a goal I've wanted to since January 2007.

instant relief

one....two......


three


We went to the dentist last Thursday and she didn't want him to touch her tooth, but come Sunday she couldn't wait to get rid of it. Can you believe she let her dad pull it out with floss? As far as I'm concerned it took as much strength to do it as it did to get it done, I basically took the picture with my eyes closed. She took it like a champ and couldn't wait to eat using her whole mouth. Poor girl has had that tooth loose for months.


[love how you can see the smile and relief in her eyes]

tender mercies

I woke up in a bad way this morning. I can't pin point it's origin, but I'm struggling with my self worth and an understanding of what my purpose is here on this earth. I'm grateful of all weekends that my mood fell on a day that could devote to listening to the words of the Prophet and the Apostles. As I sat listening I could see the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father in my life. Many of the talks and the words spoken today felt like they were just for me and a direct answer to my prayers.



There were many fabulous talks that got me to think, and made me more fully appreciate my life and my knowledge of the Gospel. I'll just share with you a few that spoke to me this morning that truly gave me hope, especially considering the place I found myself this morning.

Neil L Anderson
"While there are many experiences like the one we are having today full of spiritual power and confirmation, there are also days when we feel inadequate and unprepared. When doubt and confusion enter our spirits, when we have difficulty finding our spiritual footing, part of the victory as disciples of Christ is what we do when these feelings come."

"You don't know everything, but you know enough."

"Faith is not only a feeling, it's a decision."

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Hope is a gift of the spirit...a principle of promise as well as a commandment, and with all commandments we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope."

"No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations."

"The things we hope in, sustain us during our daily walk. They uphold us through trials, temptations, and sorrow. Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty. Indeed there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in, can uphold us and carry us until once again we walk in the light."

Joseph B. Wirthlin
"I do believe the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be. If we approach adversities wisely our hardest times can be of greatest growth that in time can lead to greatest happiness."

If you didn't get a chance to listen to it, it's definitely worth your time. Go here to find the videos from both sessions.

four for friday

I'm up. I don't know why I'm up, but I really shouldn't be surprised. It's been like this all week long for me. I can't quite figure out why I've been sleeping so badly. It's frustrating, but all and all I think I'm dealing with it pretty well during the day considering how wasted I feel by the end.

1. While laying in bed before I finally got up this morning I remembered my friend Melissa emailed me about the Making Memories warehouse sale that was happening this weekend. I went to it about 4 or 5 years ago and thought it was pretty cool, but wasn't so impressed that I went back. Now that it's been so long, and so many more products later, I think I might go take a peek to see what they have. I just checked my email again thinking it went until Saturday, but today is the last day. It's open from 10-6pm though if you want to give it a try.



2. Yesterday I started an online class at Big Picture Scrapbooking called Design you Life by Cathy Zielske. It's a class all about design and although I feel like I'm fairly familiar with design, it's not like I'm taking a painting class where I don't know anything, I couldn't help but get a chance to learn from one of my all time favorite scrapbookers. When I listen to what she has to say and I see her work I know I'm where I'm suppose to be. I love design and hope this will be my first official of many design classes I'll take (I'd really love to go back to school in a few years and get a graphic design degree). I think registration is still open until sometime next week so if you're interested go here.

3. My friend Tami and I have been emailing back and forth about whether or not you can get the LDS conferences as a podcast. I thought there would have to be a way to at least get the archives, but wasn't so sure about the conference this weekend. Well, as it turns out Tami sent me the link this morning that has the conferences and a few other LDS podcasts. Just click on the conference link and it will open up itunes store where you can get a subscription. Anyway, it has podcasts of conference talks as far back as 2004 all the way to apr 2008. I'm really excited to have these on my ipod now. Thanks Tami for finding it.

4. This week I took on Ali Edwards challenge to document my life. I remember way back in 2005 when she was teaching a week in your life class at CKU and I always wanted to do it. In fact I printed the pdf packet from creating keepsakes that told you everything you needed to know, but I never did do it so this time I decided it was a must. Right now I would give anything to have a piece of what my life was like back in 2005 because today they are vastly different.

















Ok with that said, this project has not been all flowers and sunshine for me. In the beginning I had a hard time, I rarely remembered to take pictures of things, and I was almost irritated that I had to (as if someone was making me). It wasn't until about Wednesday that it all started to click and I enjoyed the process of documenting my life. I embraced the fact that I basically did some of the same things everyday and just allowed myself to appreciate how a similar task can be a little different each day. It really has made me see my life differently, enjoy what it is I do, and see how all of those pieces together make my days unique. I'm realizing this is going to be a lot of work from start to finish, but I know the end result will be totally worth it. You should try it.

peek-a-boo camera

is what she called the game and it kept her and I occupied for most of the time we spent waiting for Tess and Bella's dance classes to get over.








[a few of my wins]

It goes something like this...she would sit behind me moving from side to side trying not to get captured by the camera and without looking I had to point the camera on either side to get a shot of her. It actually turned out to be a fun game because a) I got to get some funny pictures of her and b) she giggled the entire time (love her laugh). Once Tess was done with dance she got in on the action too, but proved to be much better at it than Meg.

Happy Birthday Amy!

looking like fall...at least in the mountains

"I moved a lot when I was young & I still ache a bit at the thought of all those autumns in new & unfamiliar landscapes." -story people

This quote reminds me so much of my Adam since he loves every bit of fall and moved around a lot as a kid. I often wonder what it was like for him to see autumn in so many different places when my autumns have all looked a like.





I took my family on a scouting trip with me last night. We headed a mile up the road to a trail head I'm doing a photo shoot at next week so I could check out the light etc. It was a lot of fun to just roam around finding trail after trail wondering where it would take us to next. The girls were getting a kick out of deciding which direction to go all the while I'm trying to make sure we can find our way back.




[I didn't take a lot of pictures of us, I mean look at us we are come as is, but I did make everyone stop on the way out so we could do a family sp.]

It was absolutely beautiful up there and wish the color would stay for months instead of days. I love to look up at the mountains and see the color, but love more getting lost in it. I made Adam promise we would come back if the weather permitted this weekend, but I didn't have to even ask. He would have slept there if I would have let him.

triggers

My dad has this thing for organizing and cleaning out his garage. Among the many moves I made as a young adult, back and forth from college and such, he has kept many of my old things boxed up waiting for me to take. In his lack of patience throughout the last few years to see the boxes go, I have little by little taken what belongs to me.

Well it was during my sister vacation this summer that many of her things were in question. My Dad had a box of stuff that was going to the DI/Good Will if they were not claimed. So of course I found myself looking through the box, I have a thing for anything that reminds me of my childhood, and found this very cool little vintage looking plaque that read, "Think happy".



Seeing it again triggered a flood of memories from my childhood. I have to be honest, I'm not sure whose it was, but I can remember it hanging on a wall and looking at it each time I passed. I always really liked the simplicity of the illustration, but don't know that I thought much about it passed that. It just, well, it made me happy to see.

My sister really didn't care whether I took it or not, which was good because when I saw it I knew I had to have it. I'm not sure why I was so attached to it, like I said I don't even think it was mine, but seeing it again reminded me that happiness is a choice and that knowledge is something I am desperate to teach my children. I know not everyday is a good day, but I know each day we can find something to smile about...how I wish I had understood that years ago. So I decided it would have a permanent home in our kitchen, a place my girls would see it frequently and hopefully be reminded that happiness is within their reach and completely up to them.

And perhaps on a bad day it can be the one thing to help them smile.

the story of a song

Today I had the opportunity to see Bella sing a duet in church, though she would have never called it an opportunity. In fact as we walked to church this morning to practice one last time she confessed how much she didn't want to do it and how she felt so pressured.



It all started innocently enough where she was asked a month ago to sing A Child's Prayer for someones lesson with another lady. She reluctantly sad yes, but she did agree to it. Well it all went south last week when the chorister heard about the duet and wanted them to sing in sacrament meeting in front of 150 people. I made sure and told him he would have to ask her himself. When he did she was quite hesitant, but he kept saying, "just say yes", so she eventually did. I felt bad she was in that situation, feeling like she had to agree to something she clearly didn't want to do, so I almost called to tell him she wasn't going to perform, but honestly I completely forgot about it until last night.

This morning she was more nervous than I ever remember her being. At the practice she was quiet and reserved and I must admit I was very nervous myself wondering if she would be able to do it once she got up in front of the congregation. I said several prayers for her throughout the morning hoping her nerves would be calmed.

Minutes before it was time to sing her eyes started to fill up, she was terrified. I tried to reassure her, reminding her she has sung lots of times before, that she was totally prepared, and that no matter what we loved her. I also encouraged her to say her own little prayer to ask for comfort and support. As she walked up and stood ready to sing she looked a bit hesitant, but had an air of confidence I had not seen from her all day. Here are the words she sang:

Heavenly Father are you really there,
and do you hear and answer every child's prayer.
Some say that heaven is far away,
but I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father I remember now
something that Jesus told disciples long ago
Suffer the children to come to me.
Father in prayer I'm coming now to thee.

As she sang the words so beautifully, without a bit of fear, my eyes filled with tears as I listened to her sweet voice sing about prayer realizing in that moment her prayers had been answered and I knew she knew it too. When she was done I looked over at Adam who's eyes were also filled with tears. We were a mess, but rightly so. Our little girl had just done something she was terrified to do and did an amazing job.



I hope she will never forget what it felt like to face her fears head on and with her Heavenly Father's help do what seemed impossible to her hours before. She has tremendous courage, but more than that she has unwavering faith. She knew she would not be alone today and in so many ways she wasn't. My sweet Bella I love you to pieces. You amaze me.

his way

Adam makes everything with the girls a game. It's never, "let's go see a movie tonight while mom's at her meeting." It's more like, "Let's race to the top of the stairs and then I'll tell you the surprise." Little did they know he would be working against them. He was racing too, to thwart their efforts by trying to grab at their legs. It was very funny to witness them in a panic to get to the top once they realized what he was doing.



In case you were wondering it was Megan who ended up winning. I think she was just small enough to push through. After all was said and done, a few "that's not fair" from Tess, I heard nothing but cheers as he told them they were going to see Igor tonight.

I really couldn't have asked for a better father for my girls than him. He has such a way with them. Thanks love for always bringing spice to our life.

finding my voice

My visiting teachers came over this week and we were talking about our individual eternal potential and it got me thinking about what it is that takes us away from seeing who we are and what we are capable of? For me, a lot of it comes down to fear. Fear that I'm not good enough, that I'll never find my voice, that I could fail.

It's weird to have this feeling that anything is possible, but then let my fears creep in and cause me to pause. This morning I finally got the book I had been anxiously waiting for, Taking Flight by Kelly Rae Roberts in the mail. I've been devouring it all morning, absorbing her words and being inspired. In there she says,

"anything is possible in our lives when we stop denying ourselves the chance to see our own potential."

When I read these words a light went on. For far too long I've been afraid of what I'm capable of because that means I need to put myself out there. After all the more you know the more you need to do. Life can be a very safe place when you don't push yourself and explore what could be and I don't want to be safe anymore. I'm giving myself, as hard as it is, permission to be vulnerable.


[Kelly Rae inspired painting that's not completely done. Still need to fill in the face and add a few other details.]

For a long time now I've been trying to find my voice. Along the way, I've realized I draw inspiration from what others have done and when I duplicate their work I learn, I grow, and continue to find the things that will make me unique. There was a time when I thought I wasn't unique at all and that maybe my talent was simple figuring out and creating others work; however, through this last year of trying new things, I've begun to understand that our voice is often found by exploring others. We learn from each other and take pieces of them into our own life. Is that not why we have each other? To help us grow and see our own potential...to become our best self. I don't think we could ever be what we are without the people in our life supporting, cheering, challenging, pushing, and inspiring us to continue with our dreams.

I love thinking that what we are and who we end up becoming are all pieces of the individuals we let into our life. It made me think about blogging/internet and how it allows me the opportunity to learn from individuals I would have never known other wise. I'm definitely a better person because of it. I'm not sure where my creative endeavors will take me or how my story will play out, but I do know that I am grateful to all of you who have inspired me one way or another to find my voice and help shape my journey.



So whatever it is holding you back from your dream or your goal, let it go, and just go for it. Fly.

her way

After the almost unbearable night I had with this little girl's antics & my mood not quite able to handle it, it's nice to see that we're both back to our usual selves this morning and enjoying each others company.

She back to talking a million miles a minute and asking me question after question like,
"Do I have school this day?"
"Don't you wish Halloween was in the morning?"
"How do you know peanuts are made from peanut butter?"
"Why do you love me?"
"What are trees made from?"
"Why do you love daddy?"
"Why do parents know everything?"



And back to telling me what we're going to do. Adam and I were joking last night (after the craziness ensued) about how Megan is the smallest, but she runs the show with her sisters. The only thing I can figure is she's very persuasive with her ideas and presents them in such a positive manner that it's hard not to go along. It's not until after you've agreed to her plan that you realize you've been duped. Adam and I are wise to her ways, but that doesn't stop her from trying. Two nights ago she was going back and forth with her dad about having a cookie after family prayers. He said "not tonight, you've already had a treat" and she said, "I'll just have one after prayers, okay." Immediately after saying it, she shut the door making sure she got the last word, as if what she said couldn't be refuted by walking away. Yes, we have a huge problem.

Ya gotta love this girl.

right now

I finished my 48th book since my reading renaissance last summer. Quite an accomplishment for me.

I have 3 hours Monday-Friday to myself.

I'm feeling giddy about my new dryer that's cutting my laundry time in half (my eleven year old dryer finally died on Friday).

I want to be an artist and sell my prints.

I'm running 6 minutes and walking 1. I'll get to the half marathon yet...small steps bring about great things.



I believe anything is possible.

I'm watching Megan spin herself sick on my chair.

I seek to capture life through photography.

I savor every moment I get to spend with Adam.

I've decided to stop napping on Sunday. If I nap I don't sleep that night and if I don't sleep my Monday's are useless.

I'm continuing to find balance with all the things I want to do, should do, and need to do.

I feel grateful.

and so it begins

It's not even October yet and we've already begun.



I know by the time this weekend is over these little pumpkins (there are 3) will have faces. No surprise there, early pumpkin carving has quickly become a tradition in our family.

Has anyone thought of Halloween yet?

pieces

enjoying the magazine Seeing the Everyday. It randomly came in the mail a month ago and I instantly loved it. It actually reminds me a lot of a blog. It's essays put with photos that focus on everyday life, a reminder that even the mundane things we do shape us. I considered getting a subscription when a card came in the mail a few weeks ago letting me know the magazine was a gift from my Stake President (church leader). I just assumed it was for taking photos while in Lake Powell and was pleasantly surprised his thank you came by way of this fabulous magazine.

listening to Where I Stood by MissyHiggins and Breathe Me by Sia

grateful for quiet morning where everyone is still fast asleep and not feeling sleep deprived. A rare occurrence.



thinking about our Stake Conference (basically a church meeting with leaders of my church presiding) Sunday where the Prophet Thomas S. Monson spoke. He said something that has stuck with me all week, "If we don't try, then we don't do, and if we don't do than what are we here for?" A reminder to me to not let fear of failure stand in my way of doing and living. For good or bad our life experiences make us who we are.

learning to paint online. I finally decided there's only so much I can teach myself and felt like I was in a rut so I signed up for Paulette Insall's organic dimensions background/collage class. It's only been one week, but I'm really enjoying it and have learned a lot. Have you ever taken a class online before?

loving the coolness and the smell permeating my room this morning as the dark sky threatens to rains. Love a rainy day.

have a great weekend.

deep in play

There's nothing quite like happening upon your little one deep in play,



especially when it involves using the magnets on her littlest petshop toys. As you can see she hung them upside down around my chair and was very proud of her creation. I just love to see what they'll come up with when left to their own devices.

the other side

I'm been at home today alone, thanks to Jill who invited my girls to sleep over since Adam's been gone all week, and I was faced with the question, "what should I spend my day doing?". When the kids are gone it's always a question of how can I spend my precious time. I had lots of ideas, but decided to spend the day at home cleaning my studio. I know that sounds crazy to do when you're kid free, but it's really what I felt like doing.

So after lounging in bed, like I love doing on Saturday mornings, I got up and started. I was going to put on music to keep myself company, but then decided I would start The Last Lecture since I've had it on my computer for quite some time. I must admit, though I really did want to read it, I intentionally didn't get around to it because I was a little afraid. Of course I knew what it's about and I've even heard part of Randy Pausch's "last lecture" so I know how good and inspirational it is, but I was struggling because of his story. What his family has now gone through is one of my deepest fears and I just didn't want to make myself sad, but I knew it would make a difference to me, that there would be something meaningful to learn about life in his words.



So I started cleaning/organizing while listening to the book. I was so engrossed that my cleaning ventured out to the rest of the house, love when that happens, and found how grateful I was I decided to listen today. The first time I had heard his lecture I remember hearing him say, "brick walls are here to show us what we really want," I thought it was so profound and so true to life, but this morning when I heard it again I wondered what it was I was doing to climb the walls that have been put in front of me. On some of my goals I am doing a good job, I'm slowing making my way, but on others I'm standing there marveling at how tall the wall is. It occurred to me today that maybe I'm standing because I don't want it bad enough or is it that maybe the things that I wanted years ago just aren't that important to me now or aren't the best for me where I'm at? Something to think about.



Speaking of thinking, I'd like to say lately I've been thinking about life, but if you've read my blog for any amount of time you know I think about life all the time. Perhaps it's an unhealthy amount, perhaps not. I try not to think about it in those terms and just realize that I'm a thinker and I've been working hard these last few years to channel my thinking into doing. But for what it's worth, living has been on my mind. Living everyday. Living without regrets. Living in the moment. I've been trying really hard since last year to focus on letting go of the things that don't matter and putting my energy into focusing on things that matter most. And you know what, it has been a hard climb, but I'm starting to see the fruits on my efforts and what a impact it has made on my life. The content feeling I get on a regular basis is palpable and getting up, facing the day, and putting on all my different hats is something I look forward to. I sadly couldn't say that a while ago, but I guess that can be a good thing because now I know how good it feels to be where I'm at. And I don't doubt that another wall will find it's way into my path, but I do know that I'm unwilling to let something stand in my way again. I love life and am determined to live like I mean it.

hope you are all having a fantabulous Saturday.

"These are little packets of light & you need to plant them early in the year & remember to mark where they were because lots of times they look like weeds in the beginning & it's not until later that you see how beautiful they really are."

~ Story People

a new stage

For some unknown reason I woke up this morning at 3:40am and while lying there frustrated, dreaming I could get back to sleep, I heard the pitter patter of little feet coming up the stairs and down the hall to the bathroom. It wasn't even a year ago that I would expect those feet to make it all the way to my bedroom and into my bed, but now the midnight visits have dwindled into nonexistence. While I do enjoy that I don't get woken up anymore (I don't sleep well with my girls in my bed), there is a part of me that misses those times. The rushing of little feet into my room, pulling back the covers, and snuggling their way to my side.



It occurred to me, a few months back, that I'm done with the baby/toddler stage (I need you, I need you, I need you) and have moved on to a more independent (can you help me with this? I don't need your help) stage. I think a piece of me will always mourn leaving the baby/toddler stage behind even though I do embrace the change. I guess it's just that after living life one way for years and years it seems weird to be entering a different world in the life of motherhood.

One of the biggest differences to my new life is my schedule. Life is just busier in those few short hours after school where everything needs to get accomplished so we can have an enjoyable evening together. I'm learning to appreciate the moments of peace I get during the day and embracing the afternoon rush as I'm shuffling kids from school to dance or violin reminding myself that this is where I'm at. On the days I wonder if I can keep up this pace I remind myself what else this brings into my life...girls I can talk with, reason with, and enjoy a form of give and take. Knowing their gone all day really does make for more meaningful moments in the evening that we just get to hang out together, and it's something I've noticed we've all sought out, that we all need before we end our day...time together.

So as crazy as it seems to be leaving one stage and moving onto the next, I'm grateful for what I learned the last 8 years and hopeful for what this next phase in our life will bring for my little family.