feels like Christmas

I knew it was coming, they said it was coming and still I hoped they were wrong. It wasn't so much that I'm not ready, even though I'm not, I just would love to celebrate Halloween in the fall. Now winter is upon us. I heard a Christmas commercial on the radio while I was driving today and it felt like Christmas...such a weird feeling.


[view from my car window. I was in my car almost all day which was highly inconvenient on a day like today.]










[love the look when cement is too warm to collect the snow, but the cracks will]


[recent preparations for a long winter]




[after school snowball fight]

I hear it's suppose to snow through the night so I keep wondering how many more inches we'll wake up to...we're at about 5 inches right now. Perhaps it will melt in the next few days and Halloween will look like fall after all.

Here's to hoping.

backup plan

The ToysRus catalog arrived in the mail over the weekend and there were plenty of arguments over who got to look through it first and for how long. I think once they figured out they could do it together the fight over the catalog was replaced with trying to talk over the other to share what it was they wanted...I think Megan won that battle.

It's always interesting to see what it is they're hoping for this year and when I say, "maybe, we'll see" to their incessant "can I get it?" questions, I overhear them discuss,
"if mom&dad won't get it Santa will".

It must be nice as a kid to always have a backup.

reality

I was reading in bed yesterday afternoon and slowly, so slowly where you think your still in it and you tell yourself your still reading, but your eyes are closing, drifted off to sleep. I believe I was out for only a few minutes when Tess came in the room with her book and started reading with me. I liked having her there. That peace didn't last very long before Megan showed up with her paper airplane asking all kinds of questions and talking non-stop. She even danced around a bit on the bed while singing and I thought, this is my life. As I laid there jostling about because of her jumping I reminded myself how easy it will be to drift off to sleep when they're gone and how much I would miss the interruption.

I love where we are now.

for what it's worth, my thoughts

"I'm doing my best and my best has stains."

I said this to Adam a long time ago, could have been a year now, while I was getting into bed and he was making fun of my favorite stained pajama pants. As I said it, I didn't realize the wisdom that was in my words right away. It has since found it's way into our everyday life, I think it's stated at least once each week at game night and something we all kind of joke about. Today, however, I've been thinking about it a lot.



I'm human. You're human. We are all tying to make something out of the life we were given, which is completely and beautifully imperfect. I think sometimes we forget how alike we all are. We look at someone and believe them to be better than us or that they've got it all together. No. I disagree. I don't believe anyone is better than us, you or me, rather we are all in different stages of our life. Some have progressed a bit further, faster. Some of us are slow. We are all moving at different speeds, with different terrains, experiencing different obstacles.

Are we not bound to get stains on our travels and won't those stains stand to give us the experiences we need to move forward?

I love life and I love to experience life, but I admit, I am afraid of experiences as well. They scare me because some of them are really difficult to get through, but the older I get the more I understand that I need experiences. I am, how can I best say it...lazy. No, I am looking for the easiest road. If at all possible I would choose not to go through something hard and difficult if I could get the same result in the end without it. Unfortunately, I don't believe life works like that, which I admit to thinking, is a shame. I won't go down that road and state what we all know, what's been said before that our experiences shape us, but I will say, think about what your life would be like without them? Mine would be blah, more mundane than it already feels, and boring. (Can I say boring?) Without trying to be a huge walking contradiction...I want to feel. I need to feel. I don't mind experiencing the lowest of lows because then I know what if feels like to have the highest of highs and I think that's worth it. Yes, of course, when I'm feeling my lows I hate every minute. In my deepest darkest place I want to never feel again, but when it's over and I can appreciate the whys and what it's taught me, I am grateful.

My experiences have taught me that I need people in my life. I have said more than once to Adam, "I think I was meant to be alone". I said it out of desperation because from what I understand relationships are hard and a lot of work...between husband and wife, children, parents, friends, co workers, etc. It's not something we do once or find once, it's what we create together over time that will give us the connections we need to keep going. Yes, I think we need each other to keep us going and help push us in the right direction. I have often been amazed how Adam and I can have a huge deep talk and think, Well, that's it. We won't have to do that again. Now life will be merry and perfect. I couldn't be more wrong. I'm the type of person that likes to get everything done at once. I'm the marathon running so to speak. I would rather run it all at once than do it over a months time. Took me a long time to realize life is not like that. It's that passing of time that allows us to grow and shape who we want or who we will be. It's through my relationships that I find life to be the most rewarding.

Ok, so I know what your thinking, Dude, Amy what's the point of this post? Why have I just spent time reading this? Well, I admit to writing this for myself because I don't want to forget, but hope my point being this came across.... I believe the things in our life that are the most meaningful are the hardest to do. The things in our life that we want and need will challenge us the most. Relationships are hard, experiencing life is hard, but I am who I am because of them and so I guess that makes all the work worth it.

Have a great weekend. I have definite plans to be outside because I've heard winter maybe starting next week. I hope though, it waits for Halloween.

falltastic + winner

This has been such a marvelous fall. Adam tells me last year was memorable too, but apparently not to me because I can't remember it enough to compare. All I know is it's been so falltastic...the coolness, the colors, the smells. I don't want it to end.

Last Friday after school I took the girls and their friends up into the canyon to play around. I decided it had peeked and knew it wasn't going to last much longer...a storm was coming.






[this is them decoration the door to their house]







They had the best time running around and playing house while I walked around and took photos. It's amazing being out there and hearing nothing but the rustling of the leaves. I think we all thought we had found a bit of fall heaven. Good times.

Have you been enjoying your fall?

***************************************************************

Now for the winner of my October giveaway.
According to random.org
Congrats to #14 Tasha

Tasha I'll be sending it out this weekend so hopefully you can use it before the Halloween decorations go back in there boxes.

a drawing a day

I feel lucky when each day I'm presented with an original drawing from one of my girls (i hope it never stops). Mostly these days they're from Megan because the other girls don't have quite the leisure time she has. Today, this is the drawing Megan gave me.



I understood it right away and it made me extremely happy. I guess there's nothing like receiving a piece of art depicting you doing something you love. She said, "Mom look, it's you taking pictures of beautiful flowers." My girl knows me...I love that.

The only thing I'm a little unsure of is my see through skirt.

october giveaway

Because I don't have a lot of decorations I use a 12x12 IKEA frame and change up the photo each season to help make everything feel a bit more festive around here. I wasn't sure what to do for Halloween, but then I remembered this photo (below) from when we went to Gardener Village a couple weeks ago. See it here.

I loved the way it looked and thought maybe one of you would too. So I'm giving away an 8x10 print of it for my October giveaway.



Leave a comment if you want to be eligible. Remember this is me wanting to give so please don't hesitate to comment. I'll announce the winner Wednesday afternoon.

P.S. I also put this print in my Etsy shop if you're at all interested.

i watch...

i watch you make cookies together.
i watch you kneel down with them and teach them how to pray.
i watch you give them strong and small hugs, which ever they need that night, before they go to bed.



i watch you have tickle fights.
i watch you use your priesthood to bless them.
i watch you share your music.
i watch you play "singing" go fish.
i watch you get them to think with your riddles.
i watch you look through books of beautiful things together.
i watch you draw together.
i watch them make you laugh by the silly things they do and say.
i watch you ask what's important to them.
i watch you leave each Saturday morning for breakfast to start off the day together.
i watch you all pile onto the same couch to watch a movie.
i watch you hid behind doors and scare them as they walk by.

It's through watching and being a witness to these sweet moments between them that I know how truly blessed I am. I hope they know it too.

happy images

Photos from the past week that are bringing a smile to my face today...finally getting a chance to look through them.


Early yesterday morning this was greeting me in the kitchen when I woke up. I'm not such a fan of kid mess everywhere, but there is something I love about seeing their favorite things around the house in odd places.


We were having a marble race and trying to guess which color would get to the end first. She won every time.


Lori and Ashely watching Andrew open up his birthday gifts Friday night. This photo makes me want to hang out with her. She has the best laugh...very contagious.


We were taking a stroll through the mall and these two decided to get lost in build-a-bear.


cracks me up seeing them totally wasted


My dad came to pick up Adam on the way to the airport, they had business in Idaho. I probably wouldn't have taken a picture of this, but because it was the 12th I did and am so glad for it.


All of us around the kitchen counter making pizza. Love this site of our life right now.


Each morning Megan says good-bye to Bella and Tess by walking them out the door. It will be weird next year when the three of them go together.

new smile

After what seemed like months and months of waiting, it was, she finally has her new smile.

12of12

[Saturday, Sept 12]

We were quarantined this day in September, this weekend. I made tess' piano bag to try to keep myself sane. Adam was sweet making us good food all day, which makes staying home that much easier, especially when Megan was really needy.

a conversation

I was gone and Bella & Tess had a sleepover with Whitney last night so it was just Megan and her dad for most of the day.

This was the story I heard when I got back.


[photo taken Sept 14 while Adam was home from work sick]

meg: said right when she woke up at 8:45am, "where's mom?"

adam: "she's at a church activity."

meg: "ahhh"

adam: "why do you like hanging out with mom so much and not with dad?"

meg: "because she's so smooth and you're so hairy."


while getting breakfast together

adam: "where am I so hairy?"

she stroked his arm

adam: would you love me more if I shaved my arms?

meg: definitely

old photographs

Yesterday afternoon I was looking for something in my attic and ended up going through boxes of old photographs. I was up there for a good hour before I decided to bring the boxes down an make an afternoon of it. It's crazy how with each photograph I could picture where I was, who I was with, and the time in my life the photo was taken. As the flood of memories came back it was strange for me to recall each moment and wonder, was that really my life, did I do all of those things? It just seems like so much time as past between now and then.

While looking through the boxes one of the last prints I found was this...


[Washington DC December 1995, left to right: Randy, Jill, Robyn, Lori, me, and Adam]

I had forgotten how much I loved this picture until I saw it again. Not only do I love the composition (I'm not sure who took it, Jill was it a stranger?), but I enjoyed the day we spent in Washington DC and the trip I took to Maryland to visit Adam over our Christmas vacation in 1995.

I don't have all the details, I mean I can't even remember who took it, but I love how an old photograph can help you remember the days and help fill in the missing blanks. If you look closely there really is a lot of things in a photograph that can jog your memory.

1. I remember how smitten I was with Adam and how I was anticipating our 6 month separation while I would be in Jerusalem. I did not want to leave him behind.

2. I'm reminded again how much I loved his long hair.

3. I hated my hair then as I still do today. Sad, but true.

4. I remember walking a lot, it being on the cooler side (nice for a December day), going to the Van Gogh Vermeer exhibit (thanks Jill for the clarification), and eating at Planet Hollywood.

4. I think it's interesting I'm the only one not carrying a bag. I like to think my stuff was in Adam's bag, but the truth of the matter is I never bought anything. I've never been a big shopper and still have the hardest time spending money...well, that is unless I really really want it.

5. Adam and I laughed last night as we realized we just recently gave to Goodwill my shoes and his shirt (we had stop wearing it). I guess you could say I keep things for far too long. I am working on it and getting better.

6. I can see I'm wearing the necklace Adam gave me. It was made of clay with beads by a woman in Mexico. It was very rustic and charming, and well, I loved it even more since he gave it to me. I use to wear it everyday...just like the Celtic charm I wear today (remember this).

I'm so glad I stumbled upon my old box of photographs yesterday. I enjoyed what it led me to remember and I look forward to the other stories I'll uncover as I continue to search through my stash of old photos.

-What do you do with all your old photographs? I want to get mine out of the box once and for all..

pieces of a fall family outing

trip to the candy store















We went to Gardner Village Monday night as a family to just walk around and enjoy the fallness. It was Adam's idea. He's so smitten by the weather right now he can't help but be out in it. It seemed cold at first, the car said it was 48 degrees, but after only a few minutes I stopped noticing my cold a hands and nose...no one else seemed to notice it at all. By the time the sun was completely gone from view we had a hard time getting the girls to leave. Apparently, that's the sign of a successful family outing.

a funny note: While at the candy store everyone got a treat. I ended up with a sucker I didn't want (long story) but started eating it anyway because it didn't have a wrapper. When I was sick of it I asked Tess for her wrapper so I could save it for later and Megan leaned over to me and said, "Mom, I'll hold it for you." I gave it to her knowing full well why she asked for it. Next time I saw her she had my sucker stuck in her mouth. I think she said something like, "I didn't mean to". Gotta love her.

365 photo project coming to life

Saturday night the girls and I looked through the blurb book I made of my blog from 2005. Remember this. They were getting a kick out of all the old pictures (it's crazy how much they grow in just a few years) and I reminded myself once again to keep working on the other years. I'm so close to getting 2006 published, but unfortunately still have a long way to go on the others. Trying not to let that discourage me.

It also got me thinking about how much the girls love looking at pictures and how all my photos are just sitting on my computer (I've stopped getting them printed because they just sit in a shoebox). I've thought for a long time that I just need to put photo books together for the girls to enjoy and it got my thinking about my 365 day challenge. By taking at least one picture everyday I have a great overview of our family life this year that I can put together. It got me really excited for the possibility of this book so while everyone slept last night I started working on it.


[click here to enlarge]

Because I have the photos I want to use in a specific place already it didn't take me long at all to put it together. Just a couple of hours to design the layouts and add the photos. Now all I need to do is go back and add the date and a little synopsis about the photo, well, and wait for the year to end.

I'm really excited about this project and it definitely has my wheels turning about other things I can do. I have also seriously considered creating photo books for others as a business (not of my photos, but of theirs) and may see what I can put together in the coming year to get the ball rolling.

here is a few examples (i.e. screen shots of the book)


[click here to enlarge]


[click here to enlarge]


[click here to enlarge]

conference weekend

I am walking away from this conference weekend (for those of you who don't know general conference is a time when the Leaders of the LDS church speak to the entire church. It happens over a two day period every 6 months) feeling edified, with a renewed sense to try harder and do my best. I thought the messages given did not lack great wisdom and inspiration that I needed to hear. Here are just a few of the things that stood out to me.

Richard G. Scott
-Some truths comes when you are not actively seeking (e.g. dangerous situation), however, God will not force you to learn. You must exercise agency and authorize the spirit to teach you. As you do this you'll be more receptive to guidance and when it comes you'll recognize it more.

Russell G. Osguthorpe
-Aim High
-Rely on Lord. He will help you do things you think are impossible.

David A. Bednar
-We can become more faithful and diligent at home as we
1. express love and show it
-what we know isn't always reflected on what we do.
2. bear testimony and live it.
3. be consistent
-out of small things lead to something great.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf
- For what we love determines what we seek, and what we seek determines what we think and do, and that determines who we are.
-though we are incomplete God loves us completely.
-Don't get discourage the first step is to try and do. Keep trying until the difficult becomes possible and a habit - a part of you.
-love is the factor that takes obedience to dedication.

Dallin H. Oaks
-Laws are there to give us a way to advance (progress) like God.
-God's choicest blessings are contingent on our actions.

Jorge F. Zeballos
-God doesn't expect that we do what we cannot achieve. The command to become perfect as He encourages us to achieve the best of ourselves.
-God does not require more than the best we can give because that wouldn't be just, but He will not expect less than that. Always give your best.

Neil L. Anderson
-it is not easy to repent, to change is difficult.
-Repentance is turning away from some things such as dishonesty and pride, and turning toward other things such as kindness, unselfishness, & patience. It is returning toward God.
-How to decide where our repentance should be focused? Humbly petition the Lord. The answers will come and we will feel what changes we need to make.
-Christ knows how difficult it is.

Boyd K. Packer
-Know matter who you are or what you've done you're always worthy to pray.
-Prayer is your personal key to heaven and the lock is on your side of the veil.
-He concludes prayer with "they will be done". Do not expect to be free entirely from trouble, pain or discouragement. Theses are the things were sent to learn on earth.

Henry B. Erying
-We can and must expect to become better
-love is the motivating purpose
-husbands and wife pray for love that make weaknesses seem small
-you feel love of Savior when you try to do the things you know He would do.

L. Tom Perry
-looking to the past will help us find a better way to face the future.

H. David Burton
-faith will diminish if we follow world
-parents need to start in home by being an example

Ann Dibb
-We learn and grow by overcoming challenges with faith, persistence, and personal righteousness.
-Thomas S. Monson said, "Remember that you are entitled to our Heavenly Father's blessings in this work. He didn't call you to your privileged post to walk alone, without guidance, trusting to luck. On the contrary He know your skill, realizes your devotion and will convert your inadequacies to recognize strength."
-God has given us all what we need to return to Him. It is up to us to choose whether we use it or not.

Russell M. Nelson
-Generous gift God gave us is personal revelation...we need to be ready to receive it.
-Real intent means really intending to follow counsel given.
-We are given gifts precisely to fulfill Heavenly Father's purposes.

Prophet Thomas S. Monson
-What did you do for someone today? Each of us can do something
*"Whosoever shall lose his life for my save shall save it." I believe the Savior is telling us unless we lose ourselves in serving others there is little purpose to our lives.
-"Man's greatest happiness comes from losing self in others." - David O. Mckay
-We are one with you in moving forward this marvelous work. I testify to you that every man, woman and child has a part to play. May God give us the strength and the ability and the determination to play our part well.

Jeffery R. Holland
-One cannot come to full faith until one accepts the Book Of Mormon and Christ which it testifies of.
-God always provides safety for the soul and has done it through BOM.

Quentin L. Cook
-Try to do what is right because we love God not because someone else wants us to.
-When we are accountable to God we see how foolish our rationalizations are.
-Remember having religious observance in home is as important as feeding family.

Dale G. Renlund
-do not be casual about the small acts of praying and reading scriptures.
-consider where you heart is

Michael T. Ringwood
-Pray til you have faith in Christ
-daily living of Gospel brings a softness of heart.

This is just a glimpse of the goodness and a rough one at that coming from me. I am not so good at note taking, but I do my best. If you are interested in hearing the entire talks go here.









Besides the great talks that were given we had a great weekend together. I was so pleased with my girls that they were able to stay the whole time while conference was on. For the most part Bella sat and listened while Megan quietly (at times not) set up a closet for her stuffed animals and changed there clothes and Tess colored and hopefully heard some of the messages. We also had a fire going which makes everything seem a little cozier. When we weren't watching we made rolls for Sunday dinner, played go fish, ate a delicious turkey dinner, and carved pumpkins (yet to take a picture). It was delightful and was so grateful at the ease of 8 hours in front of the TV with little ones.

right now

1. I'm tired. I know I'm always tired, but this time I'm especially tired. For the past week or so I've fallen to sleep like a baby, but almost like clockwork I'm up at 2am. It's torture. If at some point I stop making sense you'll know why.

2. I've been concerned about this lump I found on my neck a couple weeks ago. I was confident it was an enlarged lymph node, but then that led me to wonder...why is it enlarged. I finally got into the doctor hoping it would ease my mind...it didn't. He ended up doing some blood work because I talked about being tired for far too long. So I'm waiting for test results to come back this afternoon.

3. I watched my friend's three kids have a melt down yesterday at different times during our outing. I felt so bad for her, trying to help where I could, but knowing this was her battle (they would not listen to me). I'm glad I was there to help get them all to the car safely...I don't think she could have done it alone or I should say I don't know how she could have. When we parted ways I got in my car and thanked my girls for not acting that way. Of course Megan chimed in, "do we get a treat". Must everything be rewarded?

4. Last few days I've been feeling a disconnect with Adam. I can't explain it really, I guess it's just one of our ebbing moments. This morning though, he came and got me off the computer at 5am-ish and brought me back to bed. We talked for a while about nothing at all. He told me to change my 'tude (a word he hates so hearing him say it made me laugh) and that's all it took. We're flowing again. Wow that doesn't sound very good, but you know what I mean.



5. I've noticed my girls are needing me less and less. When they get home from school they're all about hard core playing together, which makes the pop-ins a little less frequent than before. It does make the times when they seek me out more meaningful. I'll end up smothering them with kisses or tickling them til they can't stand it. It also makes me realize how important eating dinner together and our bedtime rituals are.

6. Currently, my girls are waiting for their cousins to come for the day (watching my nieces because it's my SIL birthday today, Happy Birthday Amy!) while getting ready to put on a puppet show for me.

7. I'm going through a music phase. I just can't seem to get enough of what music can and will do to ones mood. I found Elephant in the Room by Richard Walters, thanks to sytycd and google Wednesday night, and it helped kick it off.

8. I know someone who was just diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 3-5 years to live. I couldn't help but wonder if I was given that news what I would do differently today to make those years the best and most meaningful. I've started compiling a list of things I would do or focus on because there's no time like the present to start living better. It's fondly called 'things to do before 2012' (a play on Mayan culture if you will). What I found is I'm not so far off. What I mean is there aren't many things I would have hoped to experience (i.e. I don't need to go on big vacations), but I have a lot of personal work to do to become the woman I want to be and have a fulfilling life.

attitude

Was introduced to this quote thanks to Ali Edwards and thought it was too much of a
gem not to pass along.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

--Charles Swindoll

I think I'm going to hang this in my house somewhere, like my kitchen, where I find myself a lot...I need this reminder daily.