megan's caroling

Although I am not a fan of the act of caroling (I get so embarrassed to watch people sing to me and equally embarrassed singing and watching people attempt to be excited about me singing to them without an invitation) this picture is helping to change my mind.


[by megan age 4, click photo to enlarge]

reminder to self

A few months ago while trying to get the kids out the door and do the last minute stuff we should have done the night before, I lost it with one of my girls. So much so that I was mortified with myself and so disgusted I had lost my patience. When it happened all I had time to do was apologize and wish her a happy day at school despite my outburst before sending them on their way. So there I was alone in my thoughts, sending my child out in the world probably wondering if her mother loved her. I felt, as I should, horrible, sick, and all I wanted was for her to have a good day.

As the day went on I had thoughts for nothing else. I cried, I prayed, I wondered how in the world I was entrusted with three beautiful children. The thoughts went on and on. Then at lunch I went and got the mail and among the junk was a letter with my name on it. It was from a woman in my neighborhood who I don't get to see as often as I would like.

Dear Amy,

About a month ago, I attended your Sacrament meeting. I believe I was sitting in front of you (or at least I saw what I'm about to relate from the front of the chapel). Adam wasn't with you because his back had been giving him some problems. I looked at you with your three daughters and it was the sweetest moment for me. I recognize that it was an unusual moment because your daughters were all quiet and satisfied. You were listening to the speakers. Your youngest was in your lap and Bella and Tess were on either side of you...leaning against you in their own, individual way. Again, at that movement everyone was content, and happy and secure. I felt as though I was watching a beautiful, peaceful Madonna with her three little ones. I truly hope that I can remember that beautiful scene. I was beautiful!

I am so grateful to know you and love you and to have been taught by you in so many ways. Please know that I miss you, but every day as I drive by your house I think of you...happily.

With all my love.....

God truly does know us, does He not? I knew the moment I saw the card, even before I opened it up that it was my answer. I was so grateful to this woman for taking time out of her busy life to send me a note that didn't necessarily need to be sent. She was my angel that day and reminded me I am a good mother....I do have something special with my girls.

As I went about the rest of my day feeling loved and forgiven I keep thinking about President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's words from the 2008 Relief Society conference session.

In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance.

Being the recipient of such kindness made me greater appreciate his words and helped me to understand them on a whole knew way. If answering someone's prayer makes them feel as I felt at that moment I can't afford not to do what is asked of me. On a gray day an angel is all we need and we can be that angel to anyone.

full of promise

This day opens

I don't think it is possible
to want too much.
The morning isn't even here
but already my heart is racing.
We can't always make sense
of what we yearn for, but the act of yearning
is what keeps everything alive.
Even the silence of 2 a.m. is full of promise.

This day opens like a poem
waiting to be written.

-Maya Stein

spt - love

I love our annual fhe visit to temple square to see the lights. More to come.

projects

I was busy the last week working on a few Christmas gifts. There are some I can't show you, but a few that I can. Namely the ones I made for my girls. I was pretty excited about making each of them a different gift and hope they will be as excited to get it as I was to make it.



First of all we have welcomed in December with the same advent calendar we made last year. We put the finishing touches, the candy, on last night. It was a crazy event, everyone was fighting over the peeps (note to self buy more peeps next year), but fun nevertheless.



As promised here is the finished elephant I made for Bella. I was at the fabric store a month or so ago looking for fabric to make Megan a dress with and found this cute pattern for the elephant. Immediate I thought Bella would love having her own, she adores her stuffed animals, so I abandoned the dress project and spent the time I had getting supplies for the elephant. It was harder than I thought and I ask you not to look too closely. I fear that unless this elephant stays on her shelf the ears may fall off. I don't think they are sew on too good. Oh well, it's cute, original, and all hers. Here is the website it gave on the pattern if you are interested.


[German case binding is the method I used for putting the book together]

For Tess I decided to make a sketch book. She loves to draw and the only problem is I find papers all over the house. My initial instinct is to toss them, but I don't really want to. My solution, giving her drawings a place of there own, a bound place, so they can no longer get lost or accidentally tossed. I think it will be cool over the years to see where she started and hopefully she'll have several of these as she grows up.


[Knit hat]

Megan is very fond of hats. Really she's fond of anything you can wear, but she looks so cute in hats so that's the route I decided to take. I think its a little big and am debating whether or not to make another. I guess it all depends on what kind of time I have when I've finished with my holiday list.

Are you making any gifts this year?

Gratitude Week: Friday

I am grateful for peace & possibility

Gratitude Week: Thursday

I got this poem (below) in an email earlier this week and it reminded me of how grateful I am for choices. Adam quite often repeats the phrase, we choose our lives. No, we don't choose where we are born or even who our parents are. We don't choose if we have a disability or get a disease, but we can choose how we react and what we will do...those choices make up our life. While there are some unfortunate cards we are dealt in life that rightly so could keep us from moving forward and enjoying life, there is always good or the possibility to see good if only we choose it. I am still working on changing my once half empty attitude to half full, but the little bit that I have conquered has really made a difference in my everyday life. It's much easier now to see the good in a hard situation and remember I am blessed.


[photo by amyf]

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE CRAZY PEOPLE I WORK WITH
BECAUSE THEY MAKE WORK FUN & INTERESTING.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE
THINKING OF ME.

thanksgiving cheer

Thanksgiving Is Near

Thanksgiving is near so let's shout out a cheer
While pies are baked and leaves are raked,
And when turkey is cooked and coats are unhooked,
Thanksgiving is near, Thanksgiving is here,
After preparing it's time for the sharing of all the goodies we've prepared,
Thanksgiving is near so should out this cheer:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

written by Bella M. (nov 08)

Gratitude Week: Wednesday

I am grateful ...

for his patience
for his willingness to listen and understand
for the way he laughs with me at my unintentional one liners
for his never ending practical jokes
for enduring chick flicks
for his ability to calm me
for making me want to be my best self
for creating one of a kind art pieces just for me
for being a better father than I could have ever hoped for
for bringing humor to my life
for his encouragement that I can accomplish anything in this life
for being my one constant
for making me feel safe
for always asking what he can do
for showing me what it means to love



Each and every day I am utterly grateful for him...for us.

Gratitude Week: Tuesday

“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever...it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.” -Aaron Siskind



I am grateful photography entered my life. It has given me a way of expressing myself, a way to find beauty in the world, and help me capture all the little details I never want to forget. And long after I'm gone I hope the photographs I leave behind will be glimpses into the woman I was and share the intimate feelings of my heart.

Gratitude Week: Monday

I definitely want to play along with Rebecca and do a week devoted to being grateful.



So grateful to be their mother, for the opportunity to watch them grow up, and share with them the magic of living.

Yes, that photo is from this year. They just couldn't wait any longer. Yesterday we decked the house.

she said

conversation had over bagels this morning



me: "So what were you guys watching this morning?" (the kids didn't bother us until 9am)

Bella: "We watched Giada and a Nova."

Adam: "What was the Nova about?"

Bella: "Parallel worlds."

me: "Really?"

Bella: "Yea, it was so interesting. I love Nova."


conversation had while waiting for Bella in dance class



me: "What do you want for Christmas?"

Tess: "I want a camera and I think maybe a DS."

me: "Hmm, well you need to choose, we can't get both."

Tess: after a moment pause, "Ok I'll get a camera from you and then ask Santa for the DS and that way I can get both."

me: speechless

st. george & projects

I never did mention how great my vacation was to St. George. I guess I never know what more to say than it was fun, and fun seems oh so blah. For all intends and purposes though, it was such a good time. My sweet dad treated us to good meals and when we weren't eating, we shopped, golfed, played games, and saw movies (007). We really didn't do a whole lot, but that's how I like it...low key and just spending time together. It was so enjoyable having just the adults together and hope we can make a tradition of it.


[my dad & sister]


[these were hot, right out of the fryer, donuts that melted in your mouth. oh so delicious!]


[scarf info: I used size 6.0 needles, cast on 23 stitches, and knit every row (alternating black&gray every 10 rows) until reached desired length.]

Due to the nice long drive on the way there, I finally finished the scarf I had been working on for Adam. It's black and gray stripes and if I do say so myself, it looks very handsome on him. Hopefully sometime this winter I will get a photo of him wearing it. As for now you are stuck with me.

Here is a sneak peak at my latest Christmas project.



It's a stuffed animal for Bella. I'll give you all the details when it's done and I can show you how cute it is, but I had to give just a peak since I got it all stuffed. I'm so excited to give it to her. I think she will love it.

graffiti

I've been feeling under the weather today. Really I should say since Sunday I haven't felt myself. I hate feeling sick, sort of sick, or like I'm getting sick...I just don't want to do anything. I guess it can be a good thing though, I feel like my body is telling me I need a little break.

So after taking a sloooooooow morning I went downstairs to find Megan when I noticed this



on my banister. The 'who would do this' was never a question in my mind and I continued on my way to find the culprit, Megan, who was basking in the glory of watching TV all morning long. (Do I feel guilty? A bit, but it feels good to use it when I need it.)

In her childlike, I still don't understand that my mom knows everything, way she tried lying to me. "Mom, really, I don't know who did it." Will I ever get her to understand you get in far more trouble telling a lie than the truth? Aargh!



Eventually she came out with it. I don't know, it could have been the threats that put her over the edge, but she admitted it and rectified the situation by using the magic eraser (love this thing...it is magic) to clean it up. She was just about done when I walked away to change the laundry and as I came back I found her cleaning the wall on the other side of the stairs.



I told her she didn't have to do that, but then she pointed out she indeed did...more Megan 'art' on my wall. I wonder, had I noticed that first if she would have told me the truth up front seeing how it's her name and not just scribbles?

Since then I found this



in her room and a couple other offenses around the house. I'm sort of shocked that I'm dealing with this now, she four and never done this before, but for some reason she is choosing walls as her canvas. Perhaps she's just so excited she is learning to write her name and doing it so well that she's practicing everywhere, but then again it doesn't explain the scribbles. Baffling? I tell you what it is never a dull day with her around.

spt - wordless - candlelight

a break

So I'm attempting to get out of town to have a little get away with the adults in my family. My sister is going to Las Vegas with her husband, a birthday gift, and then they're going to meet the rest of us in St. George. I'm really looking forward to getting away (I don't think we've ever done anything like this, just us...no kids), but it's the getting away that seems impossible to do. I feel like since yesterday I've been putting out fires.

Tess came home with red eyes yesterday and I took her straight to the doctors so I could find out if it was pink eye and then go from there (why do these things always happen to me when I've got a fun getaway ahead of me?). He assured me it wasn't, but I have to admit it wasn't my regular doctor so I do feel a bit skeptical. It's just one last thing I don't want to have to worry about that they're going to be plagued by pink eye while their Nana is here. When she woke up she didn't have a bunch of goop in her eyes so I felt good about what the doctor had told me.

I went and saw Bella at her school informance this morning. They dance and sing and inform the school about whatever topic they are learning about...this year it was the earth. It was nice and brief and fun for me to see both her and Tess one last time before I left.

To answer your questions from yesterday's photo. I had the camera on a tripod and I used a wireless remote to take the shot. I really wanted to capture the time we spent together on my bed reading/playing in the evening. While we were there I would take pictures randomly and the one I showed just happened to be one of my favorites.

I'll definitely be checking in as I'll have access to a computer, plus I need to let you know what I think about James Bond. It comes out Friday and my dad already bought us tickets. I can't wait.

spt - wordless - end of day

the program

[i love her details]

Tess really nailed it when she drew this picture of us. That is how I felt, oozing with love, as I sat in the congregation watching my three little ones participate in the primary program. What else can I say, it was a magical moment. I was beaming. They were beaming. We all got chocked up by the spirit that was felt. I am so grateful they know they're children of God and had the courage to share their testimonies. I hope this is an experience they will not soon forget.

Surprises
Megan sang and knew all the words to each song. I had no idea she would sing. The best part, she really enunciated each word. Very funny to watch.

Tess gave her part slow and precise without needing any help. We worked all week trying to slow it down and I feared once she got up in front of everyone she would say it as fast as she could.

Bella, hmm, no surprise there. She knew all the songs, her part, and even got to play the violin. The opportunities she's had to get up in front of others has really helped her to feel more comfortable. If only you could have seen her years ago, you would know how far she's come.

time change messin' with their internal clock

Monday morning I was up early, 5:30, when I heard feet making their way to the kitchen. I had to look at the clock again to make sure I was seeing it correctly...yep, 5:30am.

It hadn't occurred to me before then that Bella has an internal alarm clock where her body just naturally gets up at 6:30am. Yes, it has been like this from the time she was an infant and it seems each of my girls, aside from Megan, believe the day starts at 6:30am. For years it drove me crazy, all I wanted to do was sleep in after a long night with a baby, but once I embraced this little quark we slowly started to teach her/them ways to occupy themselves before waking us up.

Now of course that they're in school, I don't mind the early wake up. In fact, I can imagine it's much easier than having to fight someone each morning to get out of bed (the irony of this is I know once their teenagers this will change). It's actually kind of nice because we end up getting a lot done in the morning and I do love feeling like we've spent some time together before they're off to school all day.

Back to 5:30am Monday morning....I felt bad due to the recent time change their bodies thought it was actually 6:30am. I tried to encourage them to go back to sleep, but they weren't having it. Crazy! Kids don't know how good they have it sometimes.


[adam trying to wake meg & she was not having it]

So the early wake ups have been taking there toll all week. By the time 7:30-8pm comes around they have no problem drifting into dreamland...they seem wasted at the end of the day. I even found Megan sneaking off trying to take a nap at 5pm (cracked me up that she was trying to hid it from me knowing I wouldn't let her get away with it) and I completely understand, this time changing business is rough on your system. Even I have been affected and have gone to bed early all week (i actually love that). I think the worst is over and things have settled down a bit. If I remember correctly yesterday was closer to 6:30am and Megan wasn't sneaking off to take a nap. Who said normal wasn't beautiful? It's good to be back.

happy friday

"Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed:
I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a purpose and that's why I made works of art."

-Felix Gonzalez-Torres

a season of giving

I don't know why I'm so surprised the stores already have holiday merchandise out and Christmas music playing on the radio, but I am. I guess I just don't want to see a great holiday like Thanksgiving gets sweep under the rug by the big commercial holiday Christmas. I've been trying to hold off doing anything Christmas-y so I can really savor the season in the moment, but I have to admit I've been thinking about Christmas. I've been working on some gifts and we've had Christmas music playing in our home since Bella's learning songs for her Christmas program. Plus after the snow fall we got yesterday it's hard not to think of 'Dashing Through the Snow'.

Yesterday we got a few catalogs in the mail that were advertising this seasons biggest sellers and I found Megan like this after the girls left for school this morning.



"What mom, I'm just trying to see what I want." It's no surprise she had about 25 things highlighted. I think it's such a funny moment to find her like this as I remember what it was like to get those big catalogs in the mail around this time of year. I remember going through them getting ideas and being so excited with the prospect of actually getting the toys. Seeing her like this reminded me how badly I want this holiday season to be about something more. I really want my girls to focus on others and am working on ways we can incorporate service throughout the season. I know last year as we counted down to Christmas with our advent calendar we did a service type something each day (write someone a note, make a family members bed, etc.) and I still want to do that, but I also want to find other ways to keep them thinking about giving instead of receiving.

On Monday night for FHE we discussed the window's mite parable from the Bible and I think it really hit home to them as we used their Halloween candy as an example. We encourage them to go through their candy and give to those in need who didn't have much and were unable to go trick or treating (as a family we also went through coats/hat/gloves to donate since our ward is doing a fundraiser). It was so interesting to see them sort their stash and go from only wanting to give the things they didn't want, to slowly giving up the prize candy they didn't think they could part with. It was a sweet moment for me to see and they really seemed happier in the end. It's that same spirit of giving I want to keep throughout this holiday season.

I would love to hear any ideas/traditions you all do as a family to make the season more meaningful.

Today has been a crazy snow day.

I heard it was suppose to snow, but had no idea it was going to be a blizzard. As the day has gone on the snow has gotten heavier and heavier so I feel very lucky I haven't had to leave the house yet, especially since I live on a hill. Yikes! I still have to go pick up the girls from school and the snow is falling to quick for the plows to keep up.







A snow day wouldn't be complete without a snowman and some outdoor fun. Megan and I spent a good portion of the morning playing in the snow. It was fun for me to sit on the sidelines for a moment (to get a few pictures) and watch her explore because it reminded me of my childhood and how much I loved playing in the freshly fallen snow. It wasn't until I got too cold (I think my mistake was when she encouraged me to go down the slide and I got all wet) that we went in.

It's been a delightful snow day...now if only I didn't have to break the seal.

spt - excersing my right

I keep hearing over and over again about how historical this election is. So for the sake of remembering this moment, I sit in anticipation, waiting...
What will tomorrow hold?

don't take your right for granted.... remember to vote!

what have we got ourselves into

Halloween night while walking around with the kids trick-or-treating I ran into one of my yw walking alone in tears. I stopped to chat with her to make sure she was alright.

As her story started to unravel it was almost what I had expected...she had had a fight with her parents. She was not happy with them. It seemed more of a misunderstanding to me, but it caused her to walk out the door upset headed to her friends house. In that moment as I tried to make her feel better, I could see both sides of the story, but it terrified me more than I thought it should. As I listened to her try to explain what had just happened, I had this sickening feeling come over me that this was my future.

When we parted ways, she seemed a bit calmer, I ran to catch up with Adam. What had we gotten ourselves into? As I related the story to him all I could think, "is this our future?" Yes, I have really good kids, but you put hormones in a young girl and I think you're ripe for a situation like what I ran into...an irrational teen that was blaming her parents for something that was outside their control.

I'm not sure there is an answer for this so all I can hope to have is patience, love, and of course, a little bit of humor...I think we're in big trouble.

from my house to yours....

[Dorothy, Princess Leia, & a pirate]

Happy Halloween!