I tend to think I'm a pretty enjoyable person to be around. I guess not always, I mean we all have our days right, but on the whole...enjoyable. So when I'm in a group setting with others I like to have fun, I love to laugh, sometimes I act silly, sometimes I'm loud. Yes, sometimes I can get myself in trouble with my unfortunately tenancy to blurt, I do apologize for that, and other times, no, always I love just sitting and chatting. So when someone visits my blog and finds heavy material I think they're expecting to find a heavy person on the end of it and when they meet me in person I surprise them. To tell you the truth, I kind of like that.
I wish I could write funny or lighter, but I can't, I don't know how. Instead I'm inclined to write my thoughts and as you've witnessed I think a lot. Unfortunately, my thoughts aren't always what others want to dwell on or think about themselves, but I can't help it. When I'm inclined to write it isn't about what happened to me today (I guess sometimes it is), but it's mainly about how I'm feeling. Like for instance my post on motherhood. It's a reoccurring theme in my life, that I don't feel like I'm the greatest mother, and it was something I had to get out so I could move away from. Sadly I know I'll have to do it again, which leads me wondering...what I should and shouldn't share on my blog? Do they really want to know how I feel? Is it appropriate to share what I'm going through? I mean I realize it's often hard to comment on a heavy post so it always leaves me wondering what you could be thinking or if you understand me at all?
This week I haven't known what to say because I've been full, my mind has been full. I found myself finishing The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger with tears streaming down my cheeks. It left me missing Adam, needing Adam, fearing loosing Adam (in the death way), and pleading with God to never take him from me. Certainly not the best way to spend ones time, but I felt sort of paralyzed in my thoughts especially knowing that I have no control over my future in terms of when someone dies. It's just, I know we have an eternal marriage and that we'll be together forever, but this life, this one opportunity we have been given here to prove ourselves I don't want to do it without him. Sigh. It took me some time, quite a bit of time, to remind myself it does nothing to worry about something I have no control of, but I need to spend my time focusing on what I can do. So I focus on us and making us the best we can be. Making each moment count and being grateful for what we do have together.
flowers given to my by adam last week
So for me wanting to try even harder on my marriage I am grateful for the book, but I've decided I really need to read something funny right now or at least take a small reading break (It seems I've read a lot of heavy stuff lately and I need to laugh). I wasn't in love with the writing and got sort of bored in parts of the middle, but I am intrigued by time travel and the love story that was woven in between. I've decided that a good ending can trump a mediocre middle so yes, I did like the book. I will put out a warning though...this book, like Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, has harsh language at times and a few inappropriate scenes.
Do books often throw you for a loop? Do you ever wonder whether or not you should share something on your blog?
23 comments:
I know exactly what you mean by not knowing what to say on your blog. I also wonder what people would want to know and even more, what I want people to know. I'm still such a novice that I haven't figured out my comfort zone yet. I for one am very glad that you choose to be authentic in your blog. You're real. It's hard to get past the guard that people put up, especially women. So, I'm glad you choose to be yourself. I've never been one for small talk anyway, so what so fun about reading someone elses small talk? You cut through the crap and hit on what's really on your mind. My kinda girl.
Yes, yes, yes. I sometimes wonder that same thing, especially because most of my friends, who know me, do not blog or read my blog. Most people who read my blog are strangers. I know they will make judgements about me based on my blog. So then I wonder, can I be as honest as I'd like? I wish I could be 100% me but unfortunately my blog is just a small part of me. But that's okay. I like having a lot of "me" kept private. I tend to say the wrong things a lot too so perhaps it's better this way :) Thank YOU for being so honest in your post. I'm on your same page...
I know I've said that to you, about you not matching your blog, but I hope you didn't take it as an insult or anything. You are really funny and a ball to be around, but I've realized that you are equally as thoughtful and introspective. So, you do match. The blog is you, beautiful you, and I love that you share that part of you. It's worth it, I think.
I never feel like your blog matches what you're like in real life, but that's probably just because of the things you choose to post. I've told you before that I usually don't know what you're referring to when you write about struggling and being stressed about living in the moment. But this is your blog and you can write about what you want, when you want to write it.
I enjoyed The Time Travelers Wife when I read it for book club several years ago. I don't remember that much about it, but I do remember loving the ending.
I don't know about the matching thing. We've discussed this before, but I guess I feel like there are just different facets of a person. While I'm a very open/out there person, I don't share the deeper things that you share, and so while I feel like my blog represents what people see when they first meet me, I don't think it really does a great job at representing who I am deep down.
So, what I'm trying to say (in as wordy a way possible) is that I don't know that anyone's blog could represent them perfectly and I wish I was more comfortable putting my personal struggles out there. I love reading your blog (even though I rarely comment).
So, in answer to your question, I often hesitate on what I write and censor myself...but I feel good about that.
I love your thoughs..you are not alone in your feelings about how you feel about being a mother, wife..ect. You blog makes me think, I like that on my early morning visits here. I enjoy you!! And the Time Travlers Wife too...J. Aniston and B. Pitt were supposed to make that into a movie before they broke up. I would have loved to seen how they would have done that:) Smile and Enjoy your day
I too hope you don't take offense- I find it an awesome and admirable quality. You are so fun loving and a delight to be around- and then coming here is a different kind of treasure. I sometimes envy your deep thoughts and introspection and how willing and good you are at putting it out there. I have left here countless times thinking of those same areas of my life. Benefiting from your words. Maybe this is the place where your world slows a little and you can take the time to sort through all those deep thoughts and work through them. I am grateful you do.
I rarely post very personal things on my blog, mainly because of my husband. We own a company that employs around 50 people. He's active in the entrepreneurial community inside and outside of Utah. I feel like it's best to keep things light and to keep my thoughts to myself. That being said I also really dislike private blogs, and I would never make mine private. So I keep a written journal. It contains my deepest thoughts and feelings.
I often wonder how my blog readers view me, and how accurately it represents me. But the thing is, it's my blog, I do it for me and for my family far away, so I just say whatever I want! I like what Hannah said about your blog being a different side of you, a place where you can sort through all those deep thoughts of yours.
oh, and yes, a book can definitely throw me for a loop! Sometimes I'll have to read something light after a long, tough book (like Wild Swans).
I agree it is a wrestle sometimes about how personal to get especially when you never know who is really looking. I have to say it is one of the things I love about blogging. Here I am a perfect stranger to you and have asked myself many a times whether I should even leave a comment. I so appreciate your thoughts and your ability to dig down inside yourself and to have the strength to share. I share on mine, but fear sharing to much. I just want you to know that even though you don't know me I feel so often the way you. Sometimes I will read your post and almost be moved to tears that you put into words what I was feeling. So thank you for being the person you are and feeling the things you do and striving to be better and sharing it with the rest of us.
While I don't know you personally, I really enjoy your blog and the pesonal feelings that you share. You are real to me. I'm actually a little disappointed when there is a post that's not about how you are feeling.
I have come to realize as I've traveled my 32 years through life, that people who are willing to share their vulnerabilities with others are much easier to connect and bond with. If one acts like their life is the best and nothing is ever wrong, they seem very superficial and unrelatable. Does that make any sense? I'm not wishing hardship on anyone, but things in life are hard for everyone and it's nice sometimes to know you aren't the only one feeling the way you do. So please, never stop!
I am sorry I don't know you personally, I got your link from a friend of a friend who has found inspiration on your blog. I hope you don't mind I have looked at it a few times.
Anyway, I have struggled with what to write on my blog also.Some of my relatives look at it and just want to see pics of the kids, not my battles with motherhood and laundry. So I don't know what you should post.
I DO think that what you post helps others to feel that they are not alone and helps me to feel like I can struggle through this life. I wrote a little bit about my struggles on this post... http://curriefamilytx.blogspot.com/2008_04_01_archive.html#606243249092481937
So in a nutshell, I think that your posts help you to vent your feelings and relieve some stress while helping others...what's wrong with that...?
Erin from Texas
I often wonder about what to post, to the point that I didn't post about Kim for months, and then once I did I felt relieved and silly for holding back on posting about what I want to post on my blog!
I don't know if my blog really matches me or not.
From your blog, I would think you are very serious and introspective but then, I have never met you. I like that your posts make me think!
I did a double take when I saw the flowers. Luci and Griffin picked some just like that for me and I took a close up but haven't posted it yet.
Amy, I'm raising my hand. I will admit that I wrongly assumed you were more "heavy" hearted. I asked Dani about it and she corrected me, telling me how you really were. As long as what you've written is from your heart and you know you are being honest with yourself about your feelings, then who cares what other people think. It's not going to matter to anyone else in the end, but you.
You obviously have a ton of admirers who love your blog!
amy, I see the lighter side of you in your photos. your eyes have light and you appear happy and content. write your feelings because ultimately this blog is for you, not all of us, and well, I like reading the deeper stuff. it makes you real.
books that have anything to do with death completely throw me for a total loop--for quite some time. too many raw emotions.
Oh Amy I think we have different angles and perceptions to our persona that sometime do not match what others see or what one see's in one self. This is the beauty of this...sharing and or learning, or just writing what is going on...life
I always love your thoughts.
I am just posting because I recently read the time traveler's wife and I just bawled and bawled. What a story! And I loved your thoughts on it.
A blog is used for a different reason by everyone. The most important this is to do what you're comfortable with, and whatever that turns out to be will end up being meaningful to you. I think I just recently was finally able to define in my head what my blog is for me. I find it very hard to share things that are personal (feelings), so I keep it light and/or factual. Anyway, that's how I take it. Maybe other people see it completely differently, but I guess that's the risk we're willing to take by being "out here". It's hard to feel misunderstood, but I've also realized that happens in any situation. Good reflective post!
Never knowing what to say has kept me from starting a blog for the last two years....
(ps - I will be in touch for tea soon!)
It was so great to meet you at the blog party, I'm happy to have you as a new blogging friend. As for matching your blog, here's my thought: the main thing I took away from meeting you on Saturday night is that you are a great listener. I really felt that you gave whomever you were chatting with 100% of your attention, and there is something about the level of eye contact you give that says you are listening with understanding.
So. I think the *deep* Amy is well represented in real life, though perhaps more so on your blog.
i think your blog definitely represents a side or piece to you. blogging can be tricky because of that. i struggle with to post or not to post ALL the time. it's great to know you in person and know the other wonderful pieces of you that make you, you.
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