graffiti

I've been feeling under the weather today. Really I should say since Sunday I haven't felt myself. I hate feeling sick, sort of sick, or like I'm getting sick...I just don't want to do anything. I guess it can be a good thing though, I feel like my body is telling me I need a little break.

So after taking a sloooooooow morning I went downstairs to find Megan when I noticed this



on my banister. The 'who would do this' was never a question in my mind and I continued on my way to find the culprit, Megan, who was basking in the glory of watching TV all morning long. (Do I feel guilty? A bit, but it feels good to use it when I need it.)

In her childlike, I still don't understand that my mom knows everything, way she tried lying to me. "Mom, really, I don't know who did it." Will I ever get her to understand you get in far more trouble telling a lie than the truth? Aargh!



Eventually she came out with it. I don't know, it could have been the threats that put her over the edge, but she admitted it and rectified the situation by using the magic eraser (love this thing...it is magic) to clean it up. She was just about done when I walked away to change the laundry and as I came back I found her cleaning the wall on the other side of the stairs.



I told her she didn't have to do that, but then she pointed out she indeed did...more Megan 'art' on my wall. I wonder, had I noticed that first if she would have told me the truth up front seeing how it's her name and not just scribbles?

Since then I found this



in her room and a couple other offenses around the house. I'm sort of shocked that I'm dealing with this now, she four and never done this before, but for some reason she is choosing walls as her canvas. Perhaps she's just so excited she is learning to write her name and doing it so well that she's practicing everywhere, but then again it doesn't explain the scribbles. Baffling? I tell you what it is never a dull day with her around.

spt - wordless - candlelight

a break

So I'm attempting to get out of town to have a little get away with the adults in my family. My sister is going to Las Vegas with her husband, a birthday gift, and then they're going to meet the rest of us in St. George. I'm really looking forward to getting away (I don't think we've ever done anything like this, just us...no kids), but it's the getting away that seems impossible to do. I feel like since yesterday I've been putting out fires.

Tess came home with red eyes yesterday and I took her straight to the doctors so I could find out if it was pink eye and then go from there (why do these things always happen to me when I've got a fun getaway ahead of me?). He assured me it wasn't, but I have to admit it wasn't my regular doctor so I do feel a bit skeptical. It's just one last thing I don't want to have to worry about that they're going to be plagued by pink eye while their Nana is here. When she woke up she didn't have a bunch of goop in her eyes so I felt good about what the doctor had told me.

I went and saw Bella at her school informance this morning. They dance and sing and inform the school about whatever topic they are learning about...this year it was the earth. It was nice and brief and fun for me to see both her and Tess one last time before I left.

To answer your questions from yesterday's photo. I had the camera on a tripod and I used a wireless remote to take the shot. I really wanted to capture the time we spent together on my bed reading/playing in the evening. While we were there I would take pictures randomly and the one I showed just happened to be one of my favorites.

I'll definitely be checking in as I'll have access to a computer, plus I need to let you know what I think about James Bond. It comes out Friday and my dad already bought us tickets. I can't wait.

spt - wordless - end of day

the program

[i love her details]

Tess really nailed it when she drew this picture of us. That is how I felt, oozing with love, as I sat in the congregation watching my three little ones participate in the primary program. What else can I say, it was a magical moment. I was beaming. They were beaming. We all got chocked up by the spirit that was felt. I am so grateful they know they're children of God and had the courage to share their testimonies. I hope this is an experience they will not soon forget.

Surprises
Megan sang and knew all the words to each song. I had no idea she would sing. The best part, she really enunciated each word. Very funny to watch.

Tess gave her part slow and precise without needing any help. We worked all week trying to slow it down and I feared once she got up in front of everyone she would say it as fast as she could.

Bella, hmm, no surprise there. She knew all the songs, her part, and even got to play the violin. The opportunities she's had to get up in front of others has really helped her to feel more comfortable. If only you could have seen her years ago, you would know how far she's come.

time change messin' with their internal clock

Monday morning I was up early, 5:30, when I heard feet making their way to the kitchen. I had to look at the clock again to make sure I was seeing it correctly...yep, 5:30am.

It hadn't occurred to me before then that Bella has an internal alarm clock where her body just naturally gets up at 6:30am. Yes, it has been like this from the time she was an infant and it seems each of my girls, aside from Megan, believe the day starts at 6:30am. For years it drove me crazy, all I wanted to do was sleep in after a long night with a baby, but once I embraced this little quark we slowly started to teach her/them ways to occupy themselves before waking us up.

Now of course that they're in school, I don't mind the early wake up. In fact, I can imagine it's much easier than having to fight someone each morning to get out of bed (the irony of this is I know once their teenagers this will change). It's actually kind of nice because we end up getting a lot done in the morning and I do love feeling like we've spent some time together before they're off to school all day.

Back to 5:30am Monday morning....I felt bad due to the recent time change their bodies thought it was actually 6:30am. I tried to encourage them to go back to sleep, but they weren't having it. Crazy! Kids don't know how good they have it sometimes.


[adam trying to wake meg & she was not having it]

So the early wake ups have been taking there toll all week. By the time 7:30-8pm comes around they have no problem drifting into dreamland...they seem wasted at the end of the day. I even found Megan sneaking off trying to take a nap at 5pm (cracked me up that she was trying to hid it from me knowing I wouldn't let her get away with it) and I completely understand, this time changing business is rough on your system. Even I have been affected and have gone to bed early all week (i actually love that). I think the worst is over and things have settled down a bit. If I remember correctly yesterday was closer to 6:30am and Megan wasn't sneaking off to take a nap. Who said normal wasn't beautiful? It's good to be back.

happy friday

"Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed:
I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a purpose and that's why I made works of art."

-Felix Gonzalez-Torres

a season of giving

I don't know why I'm so surprised the stores already have holiday merchandise out and Christmas music playing on the radio, but I am. I guess I just don't want to see a great holiday like Thanksgiving gets sweep under the rug by the big commercial holiday Christmas. I've been trying to hold off doing anything Christmas-y so I can really savor the season in the moment, but I have to admit I've been thinking about Christmas. I've been working on some gifts and we've had Christmas music playing in our home since Bella's learning songs for her Christmas program. Plus after the snow fall we got yesterday it's hard not to think of 'Dashing Through the Snow'.

Yesterday we got a few catalogs in the mail that were advertising this seasons biggest sellers and I found Megan like this after the girls left for school this morning.



"What mom, I'm just trying to see what I want." It's no surprise she had about 25 things highlighted. I think it's such a funny moment to find her like this as I remember what it was like to get those big catalogs in the mail around this time of year. I remember going through them getting ideas and being so excited with the prospect of actually getting the toys. Seeing her like this reminded me how badly I want this holiday season to be about something more. I really want my girls to focus on others and am working on ways we can incorporate service throughout the season. I know last year as we counted down to Christmas with our advent calendar we did a service type something each day (write someone a note, make a family members bed, etc.) and I still want to do that, but I also want to find other ways to keep them thinking about giving instead of receiving.

On Monday night for FHE we discussed the window's mite parable from the Bible and I think it really hit home to them as we used their Halloween candy as an example. We encourage them to go through their candy and give to those in need who didn't have much and were unable to go trick or treating (as a family we also went through coats/hat/gloves to donate since our ward is doing a fundraiser). It was so interesting to see them sort their stash and go from only wanting to give the things they didn't want, to slowly giving up the prize candy they didn't think they could part with. It was a sweet moment for me to see and they really seemed happier in the end. It's that same spirit of giving I want to keep throughout this holiday season.

I would love to hear any ideas/traditions you all do as a family to make the season more meaningful.

Today has been a crazy snow day.

I heard it was suppose to snow, but had no idea it was going to be a blizzard. As the day has gone on the snow has gotten heavier and heavier so I feel very lucky I haven't had to leave the house yet, especially since I live on a hill. Yikes! I still have to go pick up the girls from school and the snow is falling to quick for the plows to keep up.







A snow day wouldn't be complete without a snowman and some outdoor fun. Megan and I spent a good portion of the morning playing in the snow. It was fun for me to sit on the sidelines for a moment (to get a few pictures) and watch her explore because it reminded me of my childhood and how much I loved playing in the freshly fallen snow. It wasn't until I got too cold (I think my mistake was when she encouraged me to go down the slide and I got all wet) that we went in.

It's been a delightful snow day...now if only I didn't have to break the seal.

spt - excersing my right

I keep hearing over and over again about how historical this election is. So for the sake of remembering this moment, I sit in anticipation, waiting...
What will tomorrow hold?

don't take your right for granted.... remember to vote!

what have we got ourselves into

Halloween night while walking around with the kids trick-or-treating I ran into one of my yw walking alone in tears. I stopped to chat with her to make sure she was alright.

As her story started to unravel it was almost what I had expected...she had had a fight with her parents. She was not happy with them. It seemed more of a misunderstanding to me, but it caused her to walk out the door upset headed to her friends house. In that moment as I tried to make her feel better, I could see both sides of the story, but it terrified me more than I thought it should. As I listened to her try to explain what had just happened, I had this sickening feeling come over me that this was my future.

When we parted ways, she seemed a bit calmer, I ran to catch up with Adam. What had we gotten ourselves into? As I related the story to him all I could think, "is this our future?" Yes, I have really good kids, but you put hormones in a young girl and I think you're ripe for a situation like what I ran into...an irrational teen that was blaming her parents for something that was outside their control.

I'm not sure there is an answer for this so all I can hope to have is patience, love, and of course, a little bit of humor...I think we're in big trouble.

from my house to yours....

[Dorothy, Princess Leia, & a pirate]

Happy Halloween!

five somethings

1.


Megan had her school Halloween program today. She was as animated as she always is, but gladly this year she wasn't yelling the songs, though it does make it more fun. In the program the teachers make a witches brew. I found it extremely funny when they asked for volunteers to try it out and Megan was one of the only ones not holding up her hand. She had no desire to try a foreign substance...until she could smell the root beer. Then her hand shot up and explained to her friend that it was going to be good.


[This is her celebrating when she found out there would be root beer outside for everyone.]

2. I spent the bulk of my morning organizing my closet. It was way past due and I figured it was time to get rid of the clothes I never wear once and for all. I don't know why it's so hard for me to give away stuff I never wear, but it is. I was pleasantly surprised, however, when I found myself piling up clothes, stuffing them in a bag, and not looking back. Now I just need to get it over to the DI before I can change my mind.

3.

We have pumpkins ready and waiting for Halloween night. With the warm weather we've been having the pumpkins haven't lasted long so I'm hoping they will make it to tomorrow night. I can't believe Halloween is already upon us.

4. I have been thinking a lot about Christmas. I really would like to make gifts for everyone on my list, but in order to do that and enjoy December, I need to start thinking about it now. I have a couple in progress, but I'm still searching for ideas. Are any of you planning on making gifts this year?

5.


Speaking of projects. I finally picked a non discreet door frame and measured my girls. I've been wanting to have a growth chart for years and have just never gotten around to it. When I was growing up my aunt&uncle used the entrance to their kitchen as their growth chart so I figured if they can do it on the wall so could I. It doesn't have to be anything special it just needs exist. I'm not sure how often I will do it, but I am hoping to fill it up as the years go buy. I even want to include my nieces and nephews. My siblings and I are still on my aunts wall and I love it. I made sure to do it on the door frame so if we ever move I can take it off the wall.

spt - 100 list #28

#28 I have a good life.

If I remember right, I put this on my list to always remind me of the wonderful life I have. It's easy for me to loose sight of it when I'm having a bad day, but I truly do know I have a good life.

Of course where I am now did not come easy and did not come over night. I have certainly come a long way as a person (p.s. I still have a long long way to go) and how grateful I am today that change is possible. I simply couldn't have done it without Adam by my side. He has the ability to make me see joy when I cannot find it myself or calm me down when I'm upset about something. He keeps me laughing, keeps me believing that anything is possible, and reminds me of how good life is.



Some people have questioned me on my marriage...has it always been this good? The answer is no. No it hasn't. It's been years of work and sacrifice to get to the point where we're at now, we've had some really hard times. It took uncomfortable conversations and commitments to one another. It took faith, hope, and trust in each other. But ultimately, neither of us were willing to settle for anything less than our dream, so we made changes. We focus on each other, we do, and we give. Is it perfect? No. Marriage is a constant progress, we have our ups and downs like anyone, but we are continually focused on our dream.



My girls...they are the other puzzle piece to my life. I have never thought I was that great of a mother or that I really do motherhood well, but when your little one (Megan) calls from across the dinner table and yells, "mommy, your the bestest ever mommy" (she said this last night) you got to think, even though you may not be the best, to someone you are.

I know I could share more, but these are the two most important parts and I know if this was all I had I would need nothing more. They are my life. They are the ones that make my life good. And the best part is, I get them for eternity. I couldn't ask for anything more. How grateful I am.

everyday

i did one of these post a few years ago and thought it would be cool to do it again to see what things have changed and what things have stayed the same.

I get up early and exercise.
I try to do at least one load of laundry (somedays more).
My girls usually get their own breakfast.
I shower and get reading in the morning.
The girls and I say prayers & read scriptures in the morning before they leave for school.



I walk my kids out the door on the way to their carpool, give them big hugs/kisses, & tell them to have a good day and remember who they are.
I vacuum something (usually the kitchen).
I find random toys scattered throughout the house (it drives me a bit crazy, but it always does make me smile.)
I practice the violin with Megan.
I listen to Bella practice the violin.
I listen to Megan's stories/chatter.
I dislike figuring out what to eat for lunch.
I have a piece of chocolate.



I get my mail.
I try to think of something nice i can do for someone else.
I look forward to hearing my cell phone ding with a text from Adam.



Adam makes me want to be my best self.
I do something creative.
I either post or think about posting on my blog.
I take photographs.
I read.
I check my email.
I take Megan to school.
I think about cutting my hair.
I iron an outfit for Adam (his choosing) to wear the next day.
I have three hours to myself (12:15-3:15 the girls are in school).



I pick up Megan & then Bella and Tess from school .
I love hearing the garage door open and seeing Adam walk up the stairs.
I dance with my girls.
My afternoon from 3-5:30 is packed with kid stuff (dance/violin/homework/etc.).



I make dinner and we eat as a family (i love this time).
All 3 girls help clean up the dinner dishes.
Adam and I get a bit of time to chat as the girls get their playing in .
We say prayers as a family before bed.
My girls go to bed at 7:30pm.



I go from room to room and say goodnight to each one of my girls. (Bella is always busy reading and gives me a big kiss, Tess and I read together, and Megan wants me to lay with her for a bit then tells me to turn out her light and shut her door all the way.)
I get in bed around 9:30pm next to Adam, exhausted, and am grateful I have him.
I thank God for my blessings....for my life.

a dream fulfilled

We went to Gardner Village (a quaint specialty retail shopping area that is located in restored cabins, houses and buildings) Monday night and apparently made dreams come true. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.



We went to walk around and enjoy the fall air, but had no idea what we were in for. Because it was a Monday night it was jammed packed. Not so packed that you couldn't walk around, but packed enough that going into a shop was not recommended...which was fine because honestly that's not what we where there for.



One thing that ended up being a big hit with the girls were all the witches that were on display. Each one was different. Each one unique. If my kids were going to vote they would have voted for this witch (below).



Bella requested that I take this picture with her nose plugged insistent that it would be stinky with "Witchy Poo' (see the sign...left side). It was, I have to admit, one of the better ones.

So in comes the dream part. As we were walking out to leave (the fallness was so enjoyable I think we could have stayed all night) Bella and Tess noticed there were animals and not only that, but there were kids riding on horses. At that point Bella, in her not so sly way proclaims it's always been a dream of hers to ride on a horse. It was definitely the first I had heard of it, but she's so fond of animals I wasn't surprised.




Adam, who would jump at the chance to make anyone's dream come true, especially for such a minimal cost, made all the girls explode into cheers as we headed toward the barn. It was a great moment for the both of us to watch them wait their turn to saddle up and go for a ride. I'm surprised Megan actually stayed on it with all the bucking she nearly fell off. Tess seemed to be enjoying herself immensely and was taking more after Megan by goofing off, but it was Bella who caught my eye. It was Bella who rode around with this big smile on her face like she was the happiest girl in the world. I think, perhaps, it was a dream come true for her. And if that's the case then I need to take this girl on a real horseback ride.

I have no business blogging

Really.

I should be finishing Megan's costume alterations, it was way too big and I'm finding myself resewing the entire thing. Drat! I know I still have an entire week, but she has a party tonight so I'm trying to get it done for that. Plus I'm adding sequins to jazz it up a bit...her suggestion.

I need to get a jump on my laundry so Monday doesn't come again and overwhelm me like last week.

I should be working on my lesson for Sunday so it doesn't get left till the last minute.

I still need to clean up the kitchen from lunch.



My studio desk is a mess as Megan pointed out, "Whoa mom, your desk is a mess" and I should really spend some time organizing so I can finish the project I've been working on. (sorry can't tell yet, it's for Christmas).

Once again I need to go through my kids paper trail. I can't believe the amount of papers they come home with. Although I'm good about weeding the important stuff out right away, I still end up with papers & art projects everywhere.


[I love this photo because while she was carrying her 5 year old her 8 year old ran by and she was smiling at him. Such a sweet fleeting moment.]

I have photos to proof from a photoshoot I did last night of a dear friend from high school. She has a darling family of all boys so it was fun to be with some boys for once.


Apparently it's time to stop writing and get busy.
Ciao!

she reads

Megan has, for the last few weeks or so, been wanting to read. She is a lot like Bella where she's the one pushing to want to do it. Each time she comes up with an idea like this on her own I think, how could i have been so blind. I guess to me she is still just a little girl who couldn't possibly be old enough to read. At some point I'm going to have to realize she's growing up. My baby isn't a baby any more.

So last week we went to the library and got her a bunch of books recommended by Tess' reading teacher. They are the perfect beginner books and wish I had bought them years ago for Bella and Tess to enjoy. She is actually doing a fabulous job. Much better than I initially thought she would. I hope this will be the first of many hours with her nose in a book.

spt - 100 list #21

#21 I have a hard time spending money on clothes.

Yes it's true, I have a hard time spending money on clothes. I've never been a big shopper, but there are times, like when I go in my closet and can't find anything to wear or am going on vacation and just want something new, that I'll venture to the mall, but for the most part it's not something I do.



If I do find myself shopping, this is where my spt comes in, I loath spending top dollar for clothing. I don't own designer jeans, though it would probably be smart since I wear jeans all the time, because I just can't seemed to get passed the price tag. I try not to go into stores like Nordstrom unless I'm looking for something specific. Logic would tell me if I spend money on clothes they will last me a long time, true for jeans, but clothes go out of style so quickly that I'm better off spending $15/$20 on a trendy shirt, wearing if for one season, and feeling ok about the fact that it's falling apart.

Of course there are those times when I find a piece of clothing I love so much the price tag doesn't even matter or find an item considered as a wardrobe staple (ie..black pants or a white tailored shirt), and yes, for those types of situations I will usually splurge, but normally I look for bargains.

Finding a bargain on a shirt and still feeling cute...well how can you beat that? Ok you can, but you know what I mean.

the ever elusive sleep

I finally got up. I mean really, how long am I suppose to lay there dreaming of sleep before I just realize it's never going to come? Two hours? Two and half hours? Well, I gave it that and no luck so here I am.

This happens to me quite a bit...struggling to stay asleep for the entire night. I'm beginning to think the culprit is my bladder, it being the reason I'm getting out of bed mid sleep. I remember when I was pregnant this happened to me all the time. I'd wake up to go to the bathroom and could never find rest again. Of course then I had such a good excuse. I was completely uncomfortable due to my ever growing mass and I was actively getting kicked. Although, I'm glad to not have that excuse today, I can't quite understand why sleep eludes me so. First things first, I must find a way to stop waking up at 1ish. Note to self: cut off water supply by at least 7:30pm. I don't know, do you think that's soon enough?


[I was resting and Adam brought me a sleepy Megan to get me up. She tried her best to get as close to me as possible, at one point actually laying on me, but as evidence to the photo Adam took, she really didn't do her job. ]

Sleep is so delicious that it pains me to be in this situation. You have to admit though, there is something sweet about being up in the quiet to get stuff done. I think really well in the middle of the night or I should say, I usually have my best ideas. Not to say my ideas are actually great when I wake up, but when I'm in bed and I've got nothing else to do they seem brilliant. Of course I would give it all up if sleeping through the night were an option. Why isn't it an option? I want it, I really do. Tomorrow, excuse me, today is going to be brutal as I attempt to get stuff done on one of my busiest mornings of the week and try to avoid crawling back in bed. Aargh! I only have two hours before I'm suppose to get up and run. Wish me luck. I'm off to attempt sleep again.

what do you do if you can't sleep?

fall break

The girls were lucky enough to have a weekend sleepover extravaganza during their fall break. First at their Nana's and a visit to the scarecrow festival,


[photo taken from robyn's blog]

then to our house,


[ I made a mistake by taking this picture. The light woke Megan up which in turn woke up the rest. It was an early morning. The big girls slept in Bella's room.]


[The pillow was whitney's attempt to not be in the photo. I try to be so sly, but it doesn't always work.]

and finally, Bella and Tess at Whitney's for her birthday party and Megan at Olivia's.


[photo taken from Jill's blog]

It was a busy weekend.
A full weekend.
One of those weekends you feel lucky and grateful to have.
Grateful the cousins live close enough to have these sleepovers.
Grateful to Nana, Jill, and Robyn who love my kids enough to invite them over (I know they can be a handful).
Grateful for time to spend with Adam alone.
Grateful to know I was giving someone else a break.
Grateful to spend time with my nieces to get to know them even better.
Grateful for time to rejuvenate and miss my three.
Grateful to be apart of such a loving giving family.

It was a great weekend.

a free day & design your life class layouts

Unfortunately I woke up with a strange sinus headache this morning, but nothing Tylenol couldn't take care of. It's a good thing because I have a day ahead of me without kids (my mother-in-law had them sleep over last night and has them until 2pm because it's fall break) to just play in my studio. Luckily a new assignment was put up today for CathyZ design your life class so I'm looking forward to working on her assignments. I did however, make a huge mistake. I have a book on Cd waiting for me at the Library and failed to pick it up yesterday so I'm without a book to listen to. I guess music will have to do.

I just have to say this class has been fabulous. Like I said previously, I understand a lot about design, but I don't think I truly understand the "why's". This class is certainly providing the answers.

Each week, with the lesson, Cathy provides a sketch to use for the assignments as a blueprint. So far there have been 3 assignments per week. I feel like I'm rushing to get them done (I still have two to go), but I am determined to do them. If she continues to do 3 a week I'll have 36 layouts done by the end of class. :) That would definitely be a record for me. Hopefully it will be what I need to keep me going.

Lesson one: Symmetrical balance







Lesson Two: Asymmetrical balance

note to self

"to the world you are person,
but to one person you are the world."

-unknown

I found this quote yesterday while flipping through one of my notebooks and it seemed to be the thing I needed to remember as I fought feelings of worthlessness. It's a hard place to be. A hard placed to come back from, but this quote really did give me perspective and reminded me that yes, I am loved. I am needed.

We all are.

Why is it so easy to be blinded by what's missing in our life to see all the good?

date night in St. George

[iphone]

A night on the town with James Bond in St. George having a kid-free weekend. Can it get any better?

Too bad the movie wasn't as good as the first.

spt - 100 list #14

#14 I always crave french fries



Thank you Lelly for giving me an excuse to go and get french fries today because a) like my 100 list says I always crave them. Always. Especially at night right before bed. Excluding chocolate, I much prefer salt to sweet any day of the week. And because b) today has been a hard day and yes, as sad as it sounds, french fries helped. For a moment anyway.