right now

1. I'm sitting in my studio attempting to write some type of post, but am coming up short. Do you ever think after reading several blogs in a row that you have no business blogging? I long for more meaningful things to blog about, not only for others to enjoy, but for me to look back on my words and think I'm glad I recorded that.

2. I'm listening to my children in the other room watching The Incredibles and keep telling myself to get them to bed. It's inevitable that I'll race in there in a rage because they're still awake and yet it's my own fault for just not taking the time to do what needs to be done.

3. I'm at my computer half in my jammies and half in my street clothes. I'm not sure why I didn't go all the way and get completely comfy, but here I sit half and half, a lot like my mood I guess.

4. I'm turning up the volume on my computer to drowned out the noise of my kids to keep the guilty feelings at bay. I'm listening to the Weepies and I finally bought The Killers Album.


5. I'm eating chocolate and keeping telling myself I should stop. It was so nice of my mom to buy me my favorite m&ms (peanut butter), but I'm a bit upset with her as the bag is almost empty and it's been one day. Drat.

6. I'm in this strange what am I doing mood. From about 3:30pm today I haven't wanted to do anything. It was weird, two kids napping, Bella involved with her homework, which left me alone for once and I had no desire to do anything. I haven't felt this way in a long time and it scared me in a way. What will happen when I have ample time on my hands when my kids are at school all day? Will I take for granted my time alone by wasting it away since I know tomorrow will bring with it the same quiet? I hope living will become just as easy when it's more convenient to do. Ha! Perhaps another one of my happy contradictions...is life ever convenient?

7. I just read the quote "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact." -Henry James.

8. I keep feeling this big zit on my neck that has been there for at least a week. Why won't it go away?

9. I feel like going dancing which I haven't done in years, perhaps loud music and my bedroom will suffice.

10. I'm looking out over the city of tiny lights and wondering what's going on in the lives under it. Dancing. Eating. With loved one. Sleeping. Blogging. Creating. Driving. Homework. Texting.

11. I'm signing off. Good night.

the day after

Thank you all for your birthday wishes and for letting me indulge in my day of celebration. It will certainly help during those hard times.

And so back to my regular scheduled program where laundry needs to be done and the house needs tending to. Mondays are my days for recovering from the weekend so you can imagine what my house looked like yesterday...a train wreck. I thought about cleaning like usually and then figured if I shut myself up in my studio and only left when needed I wouldn't be bothered by the mess that waited for me. It must have worked because when I woke up this morning it was looking at me square in the face. I was actually grateful for it in a way. You know the day after a big day, like birthdays or Christmas, can often be depressing. So much anticipation for one day and then poof it's gone that quickly, so it was nice to throw myself into an activity. I'm in no way meaning I'm at a low, it's just nice to get back to normal life. I like normal...whatever that is?



So today besides the cleaning I have been making my list of thank yous and making cards to send. Tuesdays are not normally my good days of the week, in fact they're my worst, but with the overwhelming state of gratitude I feel right now it has been a great day. I'm beginning to realize that my Tuesdays, no matter how busy, can be as great as I want them to. It's all a mind set. Man I wish I didn't have to relearn that every week.

Plus today it feels like spring. Hooray! I am so ready.

the next chapter

If life is a book then I just ended a chapter, a chapter featuring titles like:

done with diapers - beginning of SPT - weekly projects
finding myself at a photography workshop - a library at home
Letting go (fears) - getting my body back (surgery) - the crazy lady
traveling to Europe with one outfit - the five we are and will always be
making new friends- meeting bloggers - Doing - new music
first 9 paintings (1491 to go) - a new studio - booked Tuesday nights
finding a love for literature - 83000 hits - falling more in love
enjoying it all while the world spins madly on

And since endings always bring with it beginnings, today I celebrate the beginning of another chapter of my life. I can't wait to live it and watch what will unfold and the moments it will feature...because with life all things are possible when you're willing to live fully.


So today I publish this post, not for you, but for me. So when the bad days come, and they will, I can remind myself just how much I am loved.

I woke up to find this waiting for me from my Adam


these 3 waiting to say happy birthday


a beautifully wrapped gift from my friend Crystalyn waiting at the door for me (a book and chocolates not pictured)


calls from
my mom and dad (separately)
Kathy (my mother-in-law)
Jeni, my sister, and her kids singing Happy Birthday
Jill
Robyn
Grandma Dot

Texts from
Adam
Crystalyn

Lunch with my Mom, Megan and Tess

a Saturday night of celebrations

photo by robyn

cake & ice cream (thanks for the cake Lori)
games (I think Robyn had just won in that photo. By the looks of Adam's disgust she killed us. Me I'm in the scum spot loosing...hard)
gifts (thanks for all the books Jill and Lori)
Thanks for the awesome evening!

In the mail

Cards from
Dani (sorry card isn't featured it's in my bag and my bag is lost at the moment)
Michelle (darling ice-cream cone card)
Kristi (she managed to send the biggest card I'd ever received),
Natasha (included a book of stamps),
Amie (included yummy candy cane suckers),
Kathy and Tom (included $ to go shopping :))


Jill (included handmade cards and a list of 32 reason why she loves me...she made me cry)


A hand delivered frame a few weeks ago from Lara. Love it and wish I could have actually seen you.

A delicious cake from my Neighbor Ann and flowers from the YW presidency.

Also my friends Dani, Tiffanie, Tami and Amber who took me to dinner last Thursday night. I had a blast just spending the night eating good food and chatting.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you to everyone for taking your time to make this day special for me. I appreciate your calls, cards, gifts, and words. You seriously made my day a memorable one...One I know I will visit frequently and never forget.

Bye Bye 31. Hello 32!

photo project

For a while I've wanted to do something more artsy with my photos so I messed around and made this card


I really like how it turned out so I decided to use photos of us and do it on a much bigger scale and came up with these, using the photos I just took the other day.






I only have one frame now, but try to imagine four 20x20 IKEA frames hung together in a square.

All I did was heighten the contrast on my photo and print them out on colored cardstock. Took literally as long as it takes to print. Super easy. I'll show you what they look like all framed and hung, but as of now I'm not sure where to hang them. That could be a problem.

Have a great weekend!

because...

life isn't always fair and people aren't always kind. Sometimes you just need a little something to make you smile and today that was being and laughing with these 3 little girls.

living each day

is what inspired me to create this.


another art journal entry.

Happiness cannot be traveled to,
owned, earned, or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience
of living every minute
with love, grace, and gratitude.
- Denis Waitley

Whether our lives are easy, hard, lonely, full, sad, happy, or even complicated, we can live each day and make the most of what we've been given. No matter what it is we're facing I believe good can be found. We just need to be willing to open our hearts and eyes to see.

Hmm, now I need to make sure I remember that.

spt - pick me up

Running to chocolate is one of my favorite ways of picking myself up.
Needless to say I eat a lot of it in the winter.

Oh and look it even comes with words of wisdom.


Got to love chocolate.

from my car

I'm sitting in my car waiting to meet up with robyn who's bringing me my kids. Yep, I've been kidless today. Its been so so nice...i went to the gym and then breakfast with Adam and came home with every intention of getting a lot done, sadly I'm not quite sure what I accomplished. I hate when that happens, but nevertheless it was good to have a morning and afternoon by myself.

So like I said I'm in my car right now listening to dr laura, something I've never done before. Have you ever listened to her program? Man she is so brutal. I'm hoping the callers know what their getting into when they call because she beats them down. I'm frankly a bit shocked, but I guess she's telling them what they need to hear.

Ok robyn's here so until next time. Have a good evening.

shes' back

I'm emotional today and find myself crying for no reason. They only thing I can think to blame for this emotional state is that the crazy lady is back to reign for who knows how long.

Adam thinks the crazy lady is kind of funny and wonders what he can say or do to make her leave. Of course she never knows what she wants only fond of what she doesn't; however, she does enjoy food and is gearing up for some game night pleasures no matter what form they'll take. It's good to be around people, to laugh, and forget all that's on her mind. Oh crazy lady won't you go?

You know after writing this post I think I've made her laugh or at least put her at ease for a bit.

i love vday

I thought the "love me" conversation heart would make a funny sp on Valentines, but perhaps just funny to Adam since we have an ongoing joke about it.

I've always enjoyed Valentines, I think mainly because it's in my favorite month, but also I always loved the act of giving valentines. When I was a kid we use to ding dong ditch our friends with love notes. I'm not sure when that tradition ended, but we don't do it anymore. Kind of sad I think. Did you use to do that as a kid? Do you still do it?

Which leads me to my next thing. Some of you asked about the valentines I made yesterday and how I did it. I took a picture and cropped it to 2x2. Then I created a 12x12 document in photoshop and copy/pasted 36 into the file. Looks like this

I printed it at costco and cut them all out. Then I printed "happy valentine's day" onto pink card stock, cut out to 3.5x2, and taped the photo onto the card. Hope that makes since. Super easy.

I finally finished a little vday book for Adam. It's not his gift, but will act as the card. It's a simple book with five pages I sewed together. Each page has a photo of us and a reason why I love him.





I forgot to take a picture of the cover, but it's just red patterned paper. Keeping it simple with my lack of time.

The picture I'm showing in the book, this picture



my now favorite picture of us, was taken by my sister-in-law while taking other family photos for my parents. When I first saw it while flipping threw photos on her camera I started to tear up. It was strange the way it brought back so many memories and how it reminded me of the way I was feeling at that moment...utterly in love and completely happy.

morning, afternoon, evening

My morning was spent consoling this emotional girl. I knew the minute she woke up today it was going to be a rough one. She cried about almost everything and unfortunately for the both of us I lost it a few times. She even asked, "Mommy will you stop getting made at me?" I had a great explanation then as to why I was getting upset, but now it just seems futile...even the little ones can have bad days. I should have been more sensitive to her needs as the day wore on. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

shown with out the candy attached

My afternoon was spent making Valentines with Tess for the girls classes tomorrow. Why do I leave everything to the last minute? The valentines we're mailing are already going to be late. Oh well, at least they'll get there eventually.


My evening was spent worrying about Adam and our family stuck in random places during this crazy snow storm. Luckily Adam made it home, but I'm not so sure about the rest. I hope you all make it home soon.

it is finished...my big 5 week project that is.

A moment of silence please.

I can't believe after all the hours I put into it it's finally finished. Can I just say thank goodness for deadlines. I really enjoyed working on it, but man am I glad to see it move onto it's next stage...the one where it doesn't involve me (more to come later).

It's always a good feeling to finish a project, but I decided today it's never over. When one projects complete another project begins. It's never ending. In fact that's why I'm up late tonight...I'm rushing to get vday cards ready for my kids to sign and a little vday project for adam going. Talk about down to the wire, I've got one day to finish and I haven't even started.

So with all these deadlines and crazy business I took a break and went sledding with our youth group. As if I really had a choice. I guess it's times like this you really need a break, but don't know it until your there.


I wasn't so sure about it at first, it was very icy and looked extremely bumpy, but I braved it and had a great time. Took me back several years, got to love that, and can't believe I didn't kill us both taking this picture.

2 peas in a pod

Watching these two say goodbye broke my heart. When he's in town they're inseparable and after seeing them together I now know he's the reason she wants a brother. There's nothing like a brother sister relationship so hopefully she will find it in him. She told me after we walked away that she's counting the days until he comes back.



Thanks everyone for your help with the quote. I got exactly what I needed.

1 photo, 2 quotes, 1 question

1.


My sisters been in town the last few days which is why I've been absent. It's always nice to have her in town even for such a short little while (3 days). I miss her. I really wish she lived close to me.

2.

The Lord will seldom do for us what we can do for ourselves.
- L. Tom Perry

We will be required to do things we're not familiar with.
- unknown

Both of these quotes really hit home to me today and just wanted to share with all of you. It's certainly an excellent reminder of how we need to keep on living, doing, experiencing life. Most likely the things we are going to be asked to do will not be things we know how to do, but the uncomfortable state that will put us in is a good place to be...it means we're growing.

3. Question: Please share with me any mother/motherhood quotes you know and love? Thanks

lucky girl

His is second only to Adam, but was first for many many years. He is the best father a girl could hope for and I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have him.

Love you dad.

5 from the top

1. loving
40 minutes into a fabulous 49 minute phone conversation with Adam, who's in Las Vegas at the moment, I snapped this while looking out my window at the snow coming down yet again. Does it ever stop?

But back to the conversation with Adam that completely made my night. I have said before he is my catalyst, in fact I wrote about that here 18 months ago, and I still feel it to this day. He has a way of inspiring and giving me just what I need to help me grow while calming my it_can't_be_done tendencies. He is a gift.


2. Finishing

I've had this layout sitting on my desk for about, hmm... 2 months at least. I don't know why I leave things unfinished so often. It's not like it was hard to add the tag and stamp the letters, but it sat through my Christmas projects and finally was completed this afternoon because I was sick of moving it around from table to table.

3. Creating

A couple of days ago I was messing around with making these simple 6x6 notebooks. Nothing special I just folded the paper and sewed it together, but I like the way it turned out.

4. Listening
A few favorite songs at the moment. I just can't get enough of there beautiful haunting way.
City by Sara Bareilles
What Were the Chances by Damien Jurado
Accidental Babies by Damien Rice (an unfortunate title, but beautiful song)

5. feeling

I went downstairs to get the girls to bed and found them totally glued to the tv watching Harold and the Purple Crayon with such serious looks on their faces. When I told them it was time to turn it off and get ready for bed Bella told me they felt sad because the episode was about when Harold's goldfish dies. Tess chimes in and explains how he just doesn't understand why the fish died or what it even meant. As I kneeled down to pray with them Tess got in my lap and cried. I understood her tenderness (I cry in movies a lot) and held her until we got to her room alone where I asked if she wanted to talk. She didn't, she "just wanted to be with me". I held her for a while hoping she won't have to taste the bitterness of loss for a very very long time.

I reminded of two things today:

1. I can't do it alone
2. There are good people in this world willing to help strangers

I had just dropped Megan off at a friends house, picked Tess up from school, and was heading home when I came around the corner onto my street and slide into the embankment and got totally stuck.



Since we were about 300 yards from home Tess and I got out of the car and walked home with the intention of getting a shovel and digging the car out. Well that was a joke. After about 15 minutes of shoveling I quickly realized just how stuck my car was and with Adam out of town and 2 kids that still needed picking up today I could be in big trouble.

Lucky for me my car got stuck across the street for a seminary and soon enough a teacher came out with a shovel in his hands to help me. He was a lifesaver. He helped me dig my car out which took about 30 minutes, told me to put my car in low gear, and guided me out of the hole I was in (I could never have figured all that out on my own).

I got in the car after thanking him profusely and tears rolled down my face. I wasn't near crying before, but I was so grateful to this man for getting me out of such a mess that the tears came. Earlier while we were both shoveling I asked him if he was missing a class and he really didn't answer, then I realized after he was gone that he was probably on his lunch break. It's nice to know there are people willing to use their precious time to help a stranger...little old me.

Now I've got to ask some of the kids in my neighborhood who the teacher is so I can send him a thank you or do something to thank him for helping me. Any ideas?

Have you ever been stuck like that before? I am so tired of the snow right now and I heard it's going to snow again tomorrow.

They are not you.

Last Tuesday I was talking with one of my 17 year old yw who wanted to skip the activity to stay home and watch One Tree Hill. I tried convincing her it was a mistake, but she in turned started telling me about the show. It sounds like your typical teen drama, but something she said caught my attention that had me thinking for the rest of the week. Apparently the episode that got her hooked involved a sketch of a whole bunch of people with one singled out that read, they are not you. It's four simple words and yet when I heard it I knew that it meant something to me.

I'm just an ordinary girl doing ordinary things and as much as I do love my life I still struggle with feeling like I'll never get it or I'm just not good enough or what difference could I really make?

Then I heard this yesterday in church by Bishop H. Burke Peterson

“Do you think for a moment that Heavenly Father would have sent one of His children to this earth by accident, without the possibility of a significant work to perform?…“My dear friends, you are a royal generation. You were preserved to come to the earth in this time for a special purpose. Not just a few of you, but all of you. There are things for each of you to do that no one else can do.”

This quote resonated with me and as I sat and thought about Bishop Peterson's words and the statement THEY ARE NOT YOU I was inspired to do this art journal entry.


Each of us is unique in our own way and here with a specific purpose. To some that may be a grand purpose and to others it may be very simple, but the fact remains the same, it is something that no one else can do. It's interesting that we're taught these simple concepts as a child and through our youth and yet it is still something that I need to be reminded of. I think part of the reason I keep forgetting is my ongoing battle with comparison. Adam and I have a saying that goes like this, "comparison is the thief of joy". If you really think about it, it's so true. Focusing on others rob us from living our own life, from trying, from reaching and even seeing our own potential.

I wish I had done this art journal entry on canvas so I could hang it up and remind myself daily that I am me. I have a purpose. I can do something that no one else can do.

They are not me.

They are not you.

We can make a difference.

to post or not to post

Jill she asked me last night at game night what I've been up to because I'm not blogging. I confided in her that I just didn't know what to blog about. I feel kind of like a one trick pony...and not the good kind.

1. I was going to share a funny story of when Tess gave Megan a big hug and kiss. Megan didn't take it very well and pushed Tess away from her and said, "Ew Tess, I'm not Luke!" (referring to her love for Luke Skywalker...i nearly lost it), but I feel like I've been sharing a lot of my kids lately and sometimes I get bored of it so I figured you would too.

2. I was going to share this photo

I took of Bella a few days ago that seemed to capture my mood perfectly at the time, but then again it's the same old story and if I talk about my soft mood one more time you might tell me I need some professional help and I'm just not ready for that.

3. I want to share the project I've been working on non stop for the past 2 weeks, but I can right now, it's a gift. I will when it's done though, in fact I look forward to it.

So today I share this

1.

We had a visitor today that keep the girls busy for a while. I never mind them being in the backyard, but it's a bit disturbing to look out your window and see this big animal that shouldn't be there.

2. I've been organizing today and have decided to make it a week long project. Meaning, now that my desk in the kitchen looks like this
I will document the journey of my mess by taking pictures each day. I am hoping this will give my a better understanding of how it all happens.

3. Along those same lines...tonight Adam is having some friends over and I will be banished to my room, no problem with that, so I'll hopefully be listening to a good book and organizing my studio. It's been getting away from me for a while now and needs some attention.

Here it is right now and I will show you Monday what it looks like when it's clean/organized. Perhaps I will do the same thing as above and take pictures of it everyday to see if I can understand how the mess is created, but honestly, I think I already know the answer to that.

What did you do today?
Do you ever wonder if you should or shouldn't post about something?

together

I never want to forget these moments...the details.

Who'd a thought list technology would work for kids as well.

2am early Monday morning, while I didn't sleep, I worked on a list for the girls to follow during their day to help them become more responsible. It's something we talked about a long time ago and I just got around to putting it together (shameful since it took about 5 mins to do).

It's worked perfectly and is definitely serving it's purpose. Instead of me constantly telling them over and over what needs to happen before we're off to school they get up and start moving. I get a kick out of hearing them consult the list and run onto the next thing. This morning they were out chatting away as dishes were finding there way into the cupboards and I didn't even have to ask. Unbelievable.

Also this morning Bella came up to me and said, "Ok mom, we're ready to read scriptures together." You know this is something I would've most likely forgotten, but since it's been on their list we've done it each day.

I have been impressed with how they've taken to this new system and how much it's changed our mornings together. I guess I should never underestimate the power of a list.

spt - the 25th hour

Ah, an extra hour each day just for me. A dream...more time.

My first instinct was sleep. I know it seems like such a waste of time, but for me, someone who walks around each and every day in a state of exhaustion an extra hour of sleep would be delightful.

Of course then I think about exercise. I use to love exercising and made a point to do it once a day without exception, sadly I don't feel that way anymore. I just can't seem to fit it in so to have an extra hour a day to use toward exercising is a great way to spend that time because even though I really don't want to I know I need it for more energy.

Of course if I used the extra hour to do what I really wanted to do I would spend most of it in my studio creating.



Yesterday while going through some papers in my studio I found this sketch

and decided what the heck, while the laundries mid cycle I'm going to work on my art journal since I didn't last week. It was one of those weird mornings where I came off of no sleep and just wanted to indulge myself to get me moving. Really all I wanted to do was sleep so I felt good about this alternative.

I had seen these cartoon characters online a while ago and my plan was to attempt a self portrait, attempt being the operative word. The jury is still out on this one. The more I look at it the more I don't like it, but it was a fun experiment for me. While paining it Megan said, "mommy is that you?" "Well it's suppose to be" was my reply, only to hear her say, "I knew it was cause your chocolaty eyes, like mine."

But let's face it, an hour really isn't that long and if I were better about organizing my time I know I could find an extra hour in my day to do something more meaningful. So that's a new goal of mine (thanks lelly)...find an extra hour of me time each day.