his way

Adam makes everything with the girls a game. It's never, "let's go see a movie tonight while mom's at her meeting." It's more like, "Let's race to the top of the stairs and then I'll tell you the surprise." Little did they know he would be working against them. He was racing too, to thwart their efforts by trying to grab at their legs. It was very funny to witness them in a panic to get to the top once they realized what he was doing.



In case you were wondering it was Megan who ended up winning. I think she was just small enough to push through. After all was said and done, a few "that's not fair" from Tess, I heard nothing but cheers as he told them they were going to see Igor tonight.

I really couldn't have asked for a better father for my girls than him. He has such a way with them. Thanks love for always bringing spice to our life.

finding my voice

My visiting teachers came over this week and we were talking about our individual eternal potential and it got me thinking about what it is that takes us away from seeing who we are and what we are capable of? For me, a lot of it comes down to fear. Fear that I'm not good enough, that I'll never find my voice, that I could fail.

It's weird to have this feeling that anything is possible, but then let my fears creep in and cause me to pause. This morning I finally got the book I had been anxiously waiting for, Taking Flight by Kelly Rae Roberts in the mail. I've been devouring it all morning, absorbing her words and being inspired. In there she says,

"anything is possible in our lives when we stop denying ourselves the chance to see our own potential."

When I read these words a light went on. For far too long I've been afraid of what I'm capable of because that means I need to put myself out there. After all the more you know the more you need to do. Life can be a very safe place when you don't push yourself and explore what could be and I don't want to be safe anymore. I'm giving myself, as hard as it is, permission to be vulnerable.


[Kelly Rae inspired painting that's not completely done. Still need to fill in the face and add a few other details.]

For a long time now I've been trying to find my voice. Along the way, I've realized I draw inspiration from what others have done and when I duplicate their work I learn, I grow, and continue to find the things that will make me unique. There was a time when I thought I wasn't unique at all and that maybe my talent was simple figuring out and creating others work; however, through this last year of trying new things, I've begun to understand that our voice is often found by exploring others. We learn from each other and take pieces of them into our own life. Is that not why we have each other? To help us grow and see our own potential...to become our best self. I don't think we could ever be what we are without the people in our life supporting, cheering, challenging, pushing, and inspiring us to continue with our dreams.

I love thinking that what we are and who we end up becoming are all pieces of the individuals we let into our life. It made me think about blogging/internet and how it allows me the opportunity to learn from individuals I would have never known other wise. I'm definitely a better person because of it. I'm not sure where my creative endeavors will take me or how my story will play out, but I do know that I am grateful to all of you who have inspired me one way or another to find my voice and help shape my journey.



So whatever it is holding you back from your dream or your goal, let it go, and just go for it. Fly.

her way

After the almost unbearable night I had with this little girl's antics & my mood not quite able to handle it, it's nice to see that we're both back to our usual selves this morning and enjoying each others company.

She back to talking a million miles a minute and asking me question after question like,
"Do I have school this day?"
"Don't you wish Halloween was in the morning?"
"How do you know peanuts are made from peanut butter?"
"Why do you love me?"
"What are trees made from?"
"Why do you love daddy?"
"Why do parents know everything?"



And back to telling me what we're going to do. Adam and I were joking last night (after the craziness ensued) about how Megan is the smallest, but she runs the show with her sisters. The only thing I can figure is she's very persuasive with her ideas and presents them in such a positive manner that it's hard not to go along. It's not until after you've agreed to her plan that you realize you've been duped. Adam and I are wise to her ways, but that doesn't stop her from trying. Two nights ago she was going back and forth with her dad about having a cookie after family prayers. He said "not tonight, you've already had a treat" and she said, "I'll just have one after prayers, okay." Immediately after saying it, she shut the door making sure she got the last word, as if what she said couldn't be refuted by walking away. Yes, we have a huge problem.

Ya gotta love this girl.

right now

I finished my 48th book since my reading renaissance last summer. Quite an accomplishment for me.

I have 3 hours Monday-Friday to myself.

I'm feeling giddy about my new dryer that's cutting my laundry time in half (my eleven year old dryer finally died on Friday).

I want to be an artist and sell my prints.

I'm running 6 minutes and walking 1. I'll get to the half marathon yet...small steps bring about great things.



I believe anything is possible.

I'm watching Megan spin herself sick on my chair.

I seek to capture life through photography.

I savor every moment I get to spend with Adam.

I've decided to stop napping on Sunday. If I nap I don't sleep that night and if I don't sleep my Monday's are useless.

I'm continuing to find balance with all the things I want to do, should do, and need to do.

I feel grateful.

and so it begins

It's not even October yet and we've already begun.



I know by the time this weekend is over these little pumpkins (there are 3) will have faces. No surprise there, early pumpkin carving has quickly become a tradition in our family.

Has anyone thought of Halloween yet?

pieces

enjoying the magazine Seeing the Everyday. It randomly came in the mail a month ago and I instantly loved it. It actually reminds me a lot of a blog. It's essays put with photos that focus on everyday life, a reminder that even the mundane things we do shape us. I considered getting a subscription when a card came in the mail a few weeks ago letting me know the magazine was a gift from my Stake President (church leader). I just assumed it was for taking photos while in Lake Powell and was pleasantly surprised his thank you came by way of this fabulous magazine.

listening to Where I Stood by MissyHiggins and Breathe Me by Sia

grateful for quiet morning where everyone is still fast asleep and not feeling sleep deprived. A rare occurrence.



thinking about our Stake Conference (basically a church meeting with leaders of my church presiding) Sunday where the Prophet Thomas S. Monson spoke. He said something that has stuck with me all week, "If we don't try, then we don't do, and if we don't do than what are we here for?" A reminder to me to not let fear of failure stand in my way of doing and living. For good or bad our life experiences make us who we are.

learning to paint online. I finally decided there's only so much I can teach myself and felt like I was in a rut so I signed up for Paulette Insall's organic dimensions background/collage class. It's only been one week, but I'm really enjoying it and have learned a lot. Have you ever taken a class online before?

loving the coolness and the smell permeating my room this morning as the dark sky threatens to rains. Love a rainy day.

have a great weekend.

deep in play

There's nothing quite like happening upon your little one deep in play,



especially when it involves using the magnets on her littlest petshop toys. As you can see she hung them upside down around my chair and was very proud of her creation. I just love to see what they'll come up with when left to their own devices.

the other side

I'm been at home today alone, thanks to Jill who invited my girls to sleep over since Adam's been gone all week, and I was faced with the question, "what should I spend my day doing?". When the kids are gone it's always a question of how can I spend my precious time. I had lots of ideas, but decided to spend the day at home cleaning my studio. I know that sounds crazy to do when you're kid free, but it's really what I felt like doing.

So after lounging in bed, like I love doing on Saturday mornings, I got up and started. I was going to put on music to keep myself company, but then decided I would start The Last Lecture since I've had it on my computer for quite some time. I must admit, though I really did want to read it, I intentionally didn't get around to it because I was a little afraid. Of course I knew what it's about and I've even heard part of Randy Pausch's "last lecture" so I know how good and inspirational it is, but I was struggling because of his story. What his family has now gone through is one of my deepest fears and I just didn't want to make myself sad, but I knew it would make a difference to me, that there would be something meaningful to learn about life in his words.



So I started cleaning/organizing while listening to the book. I was so engrossed that my cleaning ventured out to the rest of the house, love when that happens, and found how grateful I was I decided to listen today. The first time I had heard his lecture I remember hearing him say, "brick walls are here to show us what we really want," I thought it was so profound and so true to life, but this morning when I heard it again I wondered what it was I was doing to climb the walls that have been put in front of me. On some of my goals I am doing a good job, I'm slowing making my way, but on others I'm standing there marveling at how tall the wall is. It occurred to me today that maybe I'm standing because I don't want it bad enough or is it that maybe the things that I wanted years ago just aren't that important to me now or aren't the best for me where I'm at? Something to think about.



Speaking of thinking, I'd like to say lately I've been thinking about life, but if you've read my blog for any amount of time you know I think about life all the time. Perhaps it's an unhealthy amount, perhaps not. I try not to think about it in those terms and just realize that I'm a thinker and I've been working hard these last few years to channel my thinking into doing. But for what it's worth, living has been on my mind. Living everyday. Living without regrets. Living in the moment. I've been trying really hard since last year to focus on letting go of the things that don't matter and putting my energy into focusing on things that matter most. And you know what, it has been a hard climb, but I'm starting to see the fruits on my efforts and what a impact it has made on my life. The content feeling I get on a regular basis is palpable and getting up, facing the day, and putting on all my different hats is something I look forward to. I sadly couldn't say that a while ago, but I guess that can be a good thing because now I know how good it feels to be where I'm at. And I don't doubt that another wall will find it's way into my path, but I do know that I'm unwilling to let something stand in my way again. I love life and am determined to live like I mean it.

hope you are all having a fantabulous Saturday.

"These are little packets of light & you need to plant them early in the year & remember to mark where they were because lots of times they look like weeds in the beginning & it's not until later that you see how beautiful they really are."

~ Story People

a new stage

For some unknown reason I woke up this morning at 3:40am and while lying there frustrated, dreaming I could get back to sleep, I heard the pitter patter of little feet coming up the stairs and down the hall to the bathroom. It wasn't even a year ago that I would expect those feet to make it all the way to my bedroom and into my bed, but now the midnight visits have dwindled into nonexistence. While I do enjoy that I don't get woken up anymore (I don't sleep well with my girls in my bed), there is a part of me that misses those times. The rushing of little feet into my room, pulling back the covers, and snuggling their way to my side.



It occurred to me, a few months back, that I'm done with the baby/toddler stage (I need you, I need you, I need you) and have moved on to a more independent (can you help me with this? I don't need your help) stage. I think a piece of me will always mourn leaving the baby/toddler stage behind even though I do embrace the change. I guess it's just that after living life one way for years and years it seems weird to be entering a different world in the life of motherhood.

One of the biggest differences to my new life is my schedule. Life is just busier in those few short hours after school where everything needs to get accomplished so we can have an enjoyable evening together. I'm learning to appreciate the moments of peace I get during the day and embracing the afternoon rush as I'm shuffling kids from school to dance or violin reminding myself that this is where I'm at. On the days I wonder if I can keep up this pace I remind myself what else this brings into my life...girls I can talk with, reason with, and enjoy a form of give and take. Knowing their gone all day really does make for more meaningful moments in the evening that we just get to hang out together, and it's something I've noticed we've all sought out, that we all need before we end our day...time together.

So as crazy as it seems to be leaving one stage and moving onto the next, I'm grateful for what I learned the last 8 years and hopeful for what this next phase in our life will bring for my little family.

creative evening

Thursday night Adam was out of town which usually encourages me to stay up in my studio all night. For some reason I was in a scrapbooking mood so after dinner and asking my girls to get their jammies on and clean up the basement, I got started. After about a half hour it occurred to me I hadn't seen or heard from my girls in quite a while, usually I get both, so I went seeking them out. I found them at the other end of the house, Bella was like this


busy writing in the living room. I didn't know it at the time, but later found out she was busy writing a book called, Meet McKenzie Suzy. Before she fell asleep she read us the first 2 chapters and I was quite impressed. So impressed I actually questioned whether or not it was her words. She is a good little writer and I hope she continues with the story until it gets finished. Actually whenever she had a spare moment this past weekend she would work on it.

Then I found Megan and Tess like this

laughing in the Library busy drawing and painting. What I didn't know at the time, and I was grateful for this lack of knowledge, was the laughing came from the mess they were making with the paints. If you look closely you can see it all over Megan's clothes. Apparently they were making butterflies.

It was fun for me to sneak in on them and see them having a good time creating. I think I would have enjoyed it even better had we all been doing it together. I'm hoping these moments will happen more often than not, but I sense more than ever how busy life becomes the older my girls get. It's definitely a goal of mine to make family time at home a priority and hope being home is something they will always enjoy and appreciate the older they get.

After all was said and done ( clean up, showers, brush teeth, prayers) we all snuggled into bed together and one by one fell fast asleep. Of course before it got to far into the night I carried each of them to their rooms and gently placed them in their bed...it was just too much girl for one bed.


Here is what I got done (finished some on Saturday)...


This has actually been siting on my desk for months and finally finished it.

[lifted Ali Edwards]


[lifted Jamie Waters]

taken from this post

Happy Birthday Lolo!!

auction winners

Thank you so much to everyone who participated in the auction and made it a success.

Congratulations to:
#1 Kelly $10
#2 Jennifer Bowman $16
#3 & #5 Andrea $55
#4 & #6 Lucy $35

Thank you all for your generous donations to the recovery fund of The Nielson family. Please make your donations here

When complete email me (afmphotography@gmail.com) the receipt from the donation plus your home address and I will ship the photos out this week.

If you still would like a chance to donate, Design Mom has a list of auctions that are still LIVE.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Nie Nie auction - Photographs

Ever since I heard about the accident of Stephanie Nielson (Nie Nie) and her husband Christian I can't seem to get their sweet family off my mind. I can't even imagine what they must be going through and feel this pressing urge to do what I can to help.

When I realized from my friend Crystalyn that auctions were taking place on Design Mom in order to help the family with the cost of recovery, I thought for days about what I could contribute and have decided (thanks for the idea Rebecca) on a few of my favorite macro photographs. Each photo you are bidding on is an 8x10, printed on quality matte photo paper.

click on any photo for a larger view

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.


6.


auction details
-I will end the bidding Sunday, September 7th at midnight.
-To bid please leave a comment, indicating which photo you are bidding on by the number, and your email address so I can contact you.
-bidding for each photo starts at $10.
-bid in $1 increments
-Winning bidders will purchase the photo via Stephanie and Christian's paypal account.
-Once your payment is made please email me (afmphotography@gmail.com) the receipt along with your address and I will send the photo to you.

Make sure to check Design Mom for more auctions taking place daily.

Thank You!

September 4th and the decision has already been made

Meg: "Daddy, what's that girls name I'm going to be for Halloween?"

Dad: "What girl?"

Meg: "You know, the one with the beautiful sparkly red shoes."

Dad: "Do you mean Dorothy?"

Meg: "Yep, that one."

Dad: "Do you even know who Dorothy is?"

Meg: said with utter confidence, "Ya, she's the one with the red sparkly shoes."

Does she really need to know anything more? She found these shoes yesterday and hasn't taken them off since. I'm afraid by the time Halloween comes along all the red sparkles will have fallen off. Oh well, at least she would have enjoyed them. I got to be honest though, I don't know how I'm going to make it until Halloween listening to her talk about Dorothy...it's been non stop since yesterday.

backyard campin'

An unexpected family activity came Friday night in Adam's parents backyard as we gathered together,


set up tents, made dinner in dutch ovens,


roasted marshmallows in their fire pit




and talked the night away by a cozy wood burning fire.

I thought it was going to be a lot of work for one night, but it was so enjoyable and such a perfect night to just hang outside by the fire. I hope this can become a family tradition as my girls are already talking about when we get to do it again...they loved it. Thanks Kathy for putting it together.

This camp out really made me wish Adam and I were campers (ok campers is a strong word, but I certainly wish we did it more than we do now, which is never). There are so many beautiful places around and we both enjoy the outdoors I just can't believe we don't do it. Hopefully this overnighter will help encourage us to appreciate and experience the world right outside our doors.

here we go again

I'm not sure I'm ready. I should be ready as I've known about this for a while now, but I'm just not quite prepared to take the plunge and become a Suzuki parent for the second time. Why you ask? Because the violin is so involved on the parents part I don't know if I'm ready to start from scratch right now. Well, I better hurry because I only have a few hours to contemplate my unreadiness.



On the other hand Megan is more than ready. She sure was cute this afternoon when we went to get her a violin. I can't believe how small it is (I've forgotten), and how adorable she looks holding it. She is very excited and won't stop asking me if she can hold it and now she has resolved to say, "I'm just going to look at it, ok?" It cracks me up the way this girl always talks in the affirmative as if the answer will undoubtedly be yes...it's certainly hard to say no to. I guess it's a good thing she wants to play so badly, but I think she may just drive me crazy until she does. Thank goodness it's all in good time. She still has several weeks using a fake violin before she can move onto the real thing.

Wish us luck. I know I'm going to need it.

back to school

We've successfully made it through our first day of school. Bella and Tess started today and as far as my girls were concerned it was five days too late. Since back to school night, last Wednesday, they have been chopping at the bit to get back to school so needless to say I think Sunday night was a sleepless night for the two of them.



For someone who claims to like taking pictures I sure do a lousy job at remembering my camera. It wasn't until we were on the school grounds and I saw other mom's taking pictures that it occurred to me I should have brought my camera. I guess I was just trying to get everyone out of the house and it slipped my mind. Thank goodness I had my phone on me and was able to capture the event after all.

I don't usually go into the school with them so it was a treat for me this year to send them off this way. Once I was there I realized how much I've missed these last 2 years having them go with our carpool instead of taking them myself. It was fun to see my girls meet up with their friends (some they hadn't seen the entire summer) giggling and laughing as they waited for the bell to ring, all of them excited to get into their classrooms and start the day. One thing I hadn't anticipated, but was thrilled to see was how much Bella and Tess loved going to school together. They couldn't wait to look for each other during the day and meet up after school to talk about their day.

I'm glad I decided to see them off at the door because it felt like such a significant event. Two kids gone all day seems so unbelievable to me. I remember thinking about this years ago, wondering what it would feel like. Strangely enough it feels natural, like it was meant to happen this way. I am more excited for the adventures they will have this year than sad at missing them. It is a part of life and childhood to have them gone and it will definitely make the times we are together after school and in the evenings that much more meaningful. Plus let's not forget I will have Megan here with me to keep me company. I think in two years when they are all gone I may feel differently, but then again you never know, it may feel as natural as it does today.

Do you feel sad when your kids go back to school?
or Do you look forward to the day?

love em like my own

an attempt to get a shot of the kiddos for my mom.

details from my sister's visit

It's crazy when you don't really think about something how quickly time passes. I had no idea the last time I had updated my blog was on Tuesday. Man, this week just flew by.

I had a date with Bella this afternoon that lasted shorter than expected because we got a flat tire. Luckily I had Adam to rescue me and am hoping if it ever happens again I will be able to do it on my own. It's not that I don't know how to change a tire, but I've never actually done it in my current car and there was definitely a learning curve. He was generous enough to run around this afternoon and get a new tire so I am finding myself at home earlier than expected with time on my hands. Fabulous, just enough time to finally look through the photos I took while my sister was in town.

Once a bit of time has past I find it so enjoyable to look through and proof my photos. It's a chance for me to really savor the fond memories of those two weeks and remember little details from each one.

Like this one of Megan and my niece Estee.


In years past they have been, for lack of a better term, rivals and this time they played together fabulously...for the most part. Apparently they are growing up.


This photo cracks me up because it a) reminds me of when I was a kid. I always wanted to raise my hands to prove I was brave enough and that I could do it and b) it shows Bella winking. A new skill to her that she often does around the house to remind us of her coolness...also love that thumbs up.


Can't miss a swimming photo. It was a huge hit this year and the first year I would ever dare say we have swimmers at our house. Bella and Tess seemed to really grow this year in their swim classes. They have a long way to go, but it's miles from where they were last year. The afternoons at the pool aren't quite so stressful.


And how could I ever pass up a chance to post of photo of these two best friends. They were together as much as ever.


My Adam taking Megan for the ride of her life (many times I saw her with her hands over her ears, but afterwards she was all smiles). He really is just a kid at heart.


With the Olympics going on it wasn't long before the kids were trying to emulate their favorite athletes, aka Shawn Johnson and Michael Phelps. I loved that it was something we could all enjoy together and that the kids actually got way into cheering them on.


And not to forget the down time where the kids were off playing made up games, discovering new games on the computer, or giggling in the other room. I think that's my most favorite thing of all. To hear and see them, all of them getting along so well loving each and every minute.

I could go on and on, but will spare you and leave it at this. It was a great visit and a fabulous way to end the summer. Well, almost end...the summer is not over yet.

have a great weekend.

getting ready

Since my sister's departure it's been non stop or at least that's how it feels. I keep thinking I will at some point update my blog and share all that we did, but I don't think that's going to happen for a while, which means I probably won't look at my photos for some time. I'm beginning to realize how blogging keeps me photo efficient.

So among trying to catch up with all the house stuff I missed while I was on my 2 week in town vacation, I have a lot of last minute business to get to before school starts...i.e filling out forms for school/activities, back to school night, dentist appointments, getting school supplies etc. Despite all that needs to get done and watching my two nieces this week my list is getting smaller. It feels good to be on top of it and crossing things off.

One thing that we did cross off the list last week was the back to school hair cuts. Bella has been asking me for a very very long time to cut her hair. I've been reluctant, for reasons unknown, but finally decided to just let her do what she wanted. So last Thursday she cut it all off.



I'm not sure how many inches came off, but it was a ton and quite a drastic change. It has taken me some time to get use to. It's not that I didn't initially like it, I think she looks so cute this way, but I didn't love the way the girl cut it. There is I believe a few mistakes (can't be seen in photo) I'm hoping in a few months can be fixed or maybe we'll be lucky enough it won't be as noticeable in a few weeks. I guess all I really care about is if she likes it and she does, she loves it. I for one find it so much easier to do and think it makes her look older, it's like she's grown up over night.

Tess also got her hair cut, but in a different style. With her thin hair I just had the girl cut it in a boob (she did add a layer at the bottom) and leave it long enough so I could still pull it back in a pony tail. I think it looks adorable on her.



Besides her cute cut she has also lost 2 more teeth in the last 2 weeks. It's too bad her silly posing ways (I could get her to cooperate and I haven't tried taking a picture since...haven't pick up my camera since my sister left) left me unable to capture that new smile. I must say I'm a bit worried, in her little mouth I see no room for two more teeth. Yikes!

So a bit of an update I guess. We've had some changes and they've been good. Around here everyone's looking forward to the new school year, although, I think I am a bit sad to see the summer fade away. It's been a good one.

sixteen

It's a strange feeling to wake up and realize I've known my older brother, who died sixteen years ago, as long as I haven't. It's a day I have anticipated for a long time...the sixteenth anniversary of his death. I guess it just seemed significant in some way and I'm not sure why other than it shows how much time has passed and how much life I have lived during that time.



It was nice this day has come after a two week break spent with my family while my sister and her family were in town (if you're wondering where I've been...there you have it). It's comforting to be able to share stories and to know we are together, learning to fill in the gaps he left for us that feel very apparent to me.



Despite what this day means to me, it has been a most beautiful day. I must admit I had anticipated it being somewhat of a mess, considering Sundays are not usually my best day of the week (don't know why), but it has been a very peaceful reflective day where I've focused more on what I have instead of what I don't have and embraced the healing that has taken place these last few years. How grateful I am for my knowledge of Christ's gospel that I know I will one day see him again.



Throughout the day my thoughts kept coming back to my word for the year, LIVE, and reminding me of something my brother said years ago that I will never forget, (2 weeks before his death he went on a road trip with his good friend Jeff, who unfortunately died with my brother in the car accident, and they took a video of their trip. While video taping he said these words) "and if we happen to die, know that we love you and always have a good one." As I reflect on his words today "always have a good one" I remind myself to live each day to the fullest with no regrets as I know he did. Though his life was only 18+ years long he certainly lived everyday and held nothing back. I want that...to know I have given it my all and can leave this life better than when I came. Definitely easier said than done. I have a lot of work to do.

be you

"I've always liked the time before dawn because there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who I am." - story people

This little Tess of mine is just about to enter the world of elementary school where she will be surrounded by her peers and faced with some tough choices. As I've watched her grow up and interact with others I've seen this need of hers to be accepted (I know we all do one way or another) and have watched her change her mind based on what someone else is doing or trying to be like them. If I could give her anything it would be to always be true to herself. I know she is young and knowing who you are takes time and experience, but I would hate to see her fall into the trap that she needs to be like everybody else or there is only one way to be. I just want her to be who she is and never doubt where she came from.

It's something I wish I could just hand to her, the confidence to be who she is, but know it will be something she will have to find on her own and want. With the world's voice shouting in your ear it can be difficult to remember to just be who you are, but I know if you want it, you can get it. I still need to remind myself the same things. Perhaps our unfavorable predispositions we come here with are the things that take us a lifetime to conquer, but are worth all the fight. Indeed I think it's that fight that makes us who we are. Life really is a cycle.

So Tess keep being the fun, silly, yet sensitive little girl we have always loved...and never ever stop laughing.